Godly Marriage Pt 3

It's good to see everybody. Welcome you to Calvary Chapel. Thanks for coming out on a cold Sunday. I invite you to stand with me. We'll pray and we'll get started.

Lord, we thank you for the day. Lord, we just thank you for this time and for this opportunity just to lift praise to you, Lord God. Help us to set everything else aside that's going on in life. Lord, just to focus on you and to praise you and spend some time in your word this morning, Lord. And Lord, we want to take a moment and just continue to lift up Israel this morning.

We want to pray for their continued protection and your blessing upon them. And we pray for the peace of Jerusalem. Lord, we love you and we praise you in Jesus' name. Amen.

Glorify you this morning and we praise you in Jesus' name. Amen. You guys can go and have a seat if you like.

Yes, Lord God, we thank you for how great your love truly is. And Lord, I know we'll... We will never truly be able to fathom how deep your love truly is for us, Lord. But God, we thank you. We thank you anyways, Lord. We thank you for what you've done for us on the cross. We thank you for the new life that we have in you, Lord. We thank you.

We thank you.

Lord God, we just thank you that you are our way maker, Lord God. You are our way in the darkness. God, you are a lamp unto our feet. And, Lord, we thank you that you are our way maker, Lord God. You are a light unto our path, God. God, you are faithful. God, even when we're not. Lord God, you are our firm foundation. God, you are the rock on which we stand.

God, you never change. You are always there and you are always faithful. Lord, we thank you and we praise you. Christ is my firm foundation. Which I stand. When everything... God, we just thank you that you are our firm foundation. God, you are the rock on which we stand, God. You won't move. You won't change. God, you are the same yesterday, today, and forever, God.

You are always faithful. God, in every season, in every generation, Lord. God, we thank you and we praise you. And, Lord, this morning as Pastor Ryan comes, Lord, I just pray that you would speak mightily through him, Lord. Let your Holy Spirit come and rest on this place and just do a mighty work in our hearts this morning. Holy Spirit, give us ears to hear and hearts to receive the word that you have prepared

for us. Lord, we love you and we praise you. In Jesus' name, amen. Amen. Let's have some fellowship. You could begin the process of locating your seats. Grab a bulletin. We'll ready to go over some announcements. Welcome to Calvary Chapel, I'm glad that you joined us here this morning. Over on the left hand side are the things that are going on throughout the week, studies

to get plugged into. I'd encourage you to get involved in one. One other thing that's going on this week is this Wednesday night we're having a family worship night here at the church, typically on Wednesday nights we have a service Bible study. kids do youth group, little kids do kids time, but all that's going to be focused in here on Wednesday night. So come join us for a time of worshiping the Lord together as the body,

but also as a family. So come join us for that Wednesday night at seven o'clock. Next Sunday, the fifth is an all church fellowship potluck at the Ag building, which is where we had the New Year's thing that we did, as well as it's over by the swimming pool. So we'll do that at five o'clock PM next Sunday. So if you're able to, please bring a dish to share.

Also, still need a handful of volunteers for the live nativity, although that is filling up. Thanks to those that are signing up. It should be a fun time with that. Over on the right-hand side of your bulletin, our ministry spotlight for this week is Ananias House. Ananias House bridges the distance between believers in the West and the growing body of Christ in the Middle East and North Africa through prayer, Bible training, and spiritual resources

to build God's global family in an increasingly hostile world. Again, that's a ministry that we at Calvary Chapel of Arc City support on a monthly basis. A couple of things that are not in your bulletin. Ladies, they're getting ready to start a new ladies study on the 16th. In James, so if you're interested in that, are the sign-up sheets out there now? There's sign-up

sheets on the table in the foyer there. And then just a reminder, next weekend is time change weekend. That's right. If you still own a clock that you have to turn back, congratulations. So, because you've done something to own a clock that you have to change. But if you do own a clock that you have to change, don't forget to fall back next week so that you show up at the right

time for church. I don't know if that would make you late, but I'm sure you'll be able to do that. Later, early to church, because I'm not that smart. But I know that you won't show up at the right time. So, turn that back for next week. And then, coming up, we also have Operation Christmas Child stuff. So, I need to have Ross come up. I mean, Phil come up and share some

things with us. And then, we've got a little video to watch. Good morning, everyone. I think I'll just get a bunch of these boxes and hang them in the closet so they'll be lined up. I can have one for every day. And then, it'd be easy to coordinate. I would always be dressed right. Yeah. Got a lot of announcements here. Everybody knows when the boxes are due, right? Two weekends,

right? Two weekends from now, November 12th. And I wanted to put a big thank you to the Palmers who hosted the packing party last week and did 107 something like that. Look at all these boxes. We got boxes here, boxes there. Thanks to everybody who participated and made that a big success. So, that was fantastic. Sorry, got to put my... Eyes on here. So, next Sunday, right after the service, both the first service and the second

service, please, if you want to go with us to Dallas, to the center in Dallas, we're going to have a meeting directly after church. So, we can talk about that plan. Last year, we had 38 people go. So far this year, we have lots of room. So, if you want to come to that, please see Jana or myself. And then, boxes. So, the only boxes we have left are the ones out in the hall. And they have labels in them,

should you still need a box. If you don't have a label, Operation Christmas Child is out. Can you imagine? So, they have given away, they've sent out all those labels. So, there's going to be a lot of boxes this year. But you can get them easily. Just go online, go to Operation Christmas Child and go to print a label. You can print your label and make your donation right there and then print

it right out of your printer and put it on the table. So, that's it. Thank you so much. So, I think that's it. Other than we did just show a video to the children and children's church about Samaritan's Purse. It's really a blessing to see what Samaritan's Purse does. We see it as just the boxes, right? That's mainly how we see OCC and Samaritan's Purse. But what we watched

was what happens to some of the other things that take place as a result of the donations that come in. A young man in Africa went to a church and he was there. He was there. He was there for a hospital that Samaritan's Purse built and opened in Africa. And they flew the young man to the United States and gave him, just took care of his surgery. And this is all done by OCC on OCC

airplanes or Samaritan's Purse airplanes and helicopters and so on. That's funded by what we do. And it's part of the funding that comes from this. So, they flew the young man to the United States and he got his tumor removed and flew him back home into the jungle out into the middle of nowhere in Africa, right? Just way out away from everything. And at the same time,

made a big delivery of shoeboxes. And all the children that see him are just really blessed. So, we did just thank all the children in Children's Church for their participation. And thanks to everybody. So, please come see Jana or myself after church and we'll get you signed up if you want to go to Dallas. Thank you. We do have a video. Go ahead. My name is Yukitsurina Hazelden and I'm from the former Soviet Union.

I grew up in a poor and dysfunctional family. After my father went to prison, my mother left and she never came back. My sister and I, we were left to fend for ourselves. We kept wandering the streets until we were put into an orphanage. Some orphanages were nice. Others, teachers were mentally and physically abusive. In the year of 2000, missionaries began to enter my orphanage.

They told us how I can pray to God anytime and he would hear me. And one of those missionaries was Operation Christmas Child. I still remember the day I received my shoebox. It was a beautiful, sunny day. As I began to open my shoebox, I discovered a coloring book and markers. I was 12 years old and I was just so excited. I was so excited. I was so excited. I was so excited.

I was so excited about those items because I love to color. I began to hope for a family that would come and take me in as their own, into their family. Years went by and no one seemed to be interested. I began to give up on God. Until one day, a social worker called me over and said, girls, I don't know how, but both of you are getting adopted. You are going to America. In that moment, I knew with God, all things are possible.

God not only blessed me with good Christian parents, but he also blessed me with a loving husband, two children, and we enjoy packing shoeboxes as a family. Those simple shoeboxes bring so much hope and joy to the children around the world, like me, in Jesus' mighty name. Thank you, Pastor. Okay, for our responsive reading this morning, we are going to be in Psalm 29.

Psalm 29. Looking at the New American Standard for this part, just so we all sound the same. If you need a copy of that, there should be one in a row around you. And as you are turning to Psalm 29, if you are able, please stand in the honor of the reading of God's word. Good. Psalm 29. I will read the odd verses if you will follow along with Pastor Allen and the even verses.

Psalm of David.

The voice of the Lord is powerful. The voice of the Lord is majestic. The voice of the Lord breaks the cedars. Yes, the Lord breaks and pieces the cedars of Lebanon. He makes Lebanon skip like a calf and Syrian like a young wild ox. The voice of the Lord hues out flames of fire. The voice of the Lord shakes the wilderness. The Lord shakes the wilderness of Kadesh. The voice of the Lord makes the deer to calve and strips the forest bare.

And in his temple, everything says glory. The Lord sat as king at the flood. Yes, the Lord sits as king forever. And if you read verse 11 with me, the Lord will give strength to his people. The Lord will bless his people with peace. And Father, we do want to ascribe to you, Lord, that glory that is due to your name. Father, your power and your might are so far beyond our

understanding. And yet you saw fit to come down and dwell among us and to be our God. And so, Father, I just thank you for who you are and the grace that you show to us on a daily basis. Father, I want to pray that as we spend time in your word this morning, that you would minister to our hearts through the power of your Holy Spirit. Father, we need that working of your

Holy Spirit in our lives. In Jesus' name. Amen. You may be seated. And if you would, please open up in your Bibles to the book of Ephesians chapter five. Ephesians chapter five. We've been in a series the past couple of weeks on marriage. The end of the last section in Ephesians that we looked at was Ephesians chapter five, verse 21. It says, and to be subject or submit to one another in the fear of the Lord. And we

said that the very first relationship where he talks about this mutual submission is the marriage relationship. And so we spent the last two weeks looking at marriage and we looked at it from a beginning, back to the origin of this institution of marriage. And so the first thing that we looked at of Genesis chapter two was we looked at God's plan for marriage, the plan, the institution of marriage as his gift to humanity. And then last week we looked at problems in marriage, because no matter how great a relationship is, there's always going to be problems that arise because you're trying to bring two sinners together to make one new person, the two becoming one. And so

problems will arise. And so we said that those problems have a singular root and that singular root is sin. And so we said that those problems have a singular root and that singular root is sin, but those problems have a singular redemption. And that singular redemption is Christ because the gospel of Jesus Christ doesn't just save the individual. The gospel of Jesus Christ

saves families. Well, today, as we come to this last in our series on marriage, our series on godly marriage, we come now to biblical instructions, biblical instructions. And so we start off in chapter five, verse 22, and this is what it says. We start off in chapter five, verse 22, and this is what it says. We start off in chapter five, verse 22, and this is what it says.

We start off in chapter five, verse 22, and this is what it says. We start off in chapter five, verse 22, and this is what it says. We start off in chapter five, verse 22, and this is what it says. We start off in chapter five, verse 22, and this is what it says. We start off in chapter five, verse 22, and this is what it says. We start off in chapter five, verse 22, and this is what it says.

We start off in chapter five, verse 22, and this is what it says. We start off in chapter five, verse 22, and this is what it says. We start off in chapter five, verse 22, and this is what it says. We start off in chapter five, verse 22, and this is what it says. We start off in chapter five, verse 22, and this is what it says. We start off in chapter five, verse 22, and this is what it says.

We start off in chapter five, verse 22, and this is what it says. We start off in chapter five, verse 22, and this is what it says. We start off in chapter five, verse 22, and this is what it says. We start off in chapter five, verse 22, and this is what it says. We start off in chapter five, verse 22, and this is what it says. We start off in chapter five, verse 22, and this is what it says.

We start off in chapter five, verse 22, and this is what it says. responsibility and so submission does not mean inferiority and i don't want anyone walking away thinking that that's what i've indicated here number two submission does not mean silence to which every woman goes right i'm just kidding i love you all i love that you talk laugh that's a joke okay gee many christmas let's not take it too seriously it doesn't mean silence it does not mean that women are to sit there and go i can't say anything because he's my husband and he's in charge of everything and i can't have any say in anything look ladies if you don't have a say in something you're in an unhealthy marriage okay you have a voice and you should be able to

use your voice and your husband should listen to your voice one time sarah gave abraham instructions and it went really bad but one time sarah gave abraham instructions and it was exactly what god intended so we have to understand that silence is not what is intended by submission number three submission does not mean abuse you you submission does not mean abuse it does not mean that you should be subject to verbal abuse it does not mean that you should be subject to physical abuse and if you are subject to either two of those things you need to find one of the elders in the church or somebody else that you trust and you need to let them know what's going on because we do not want to see that take place

in your marriage and if that's happening and we need to confront your husband about it i'm happy to be one of them that does it because that should not take place in a marriage relationship submission does not mean that you are abused in any way shape or form that's not what's intended there number four submission does not mean slavery or servitude it does not mean that your husband sits while you do all of the work it doesn't mean that your husband gets to watch sports while you do everything for him that's not what's intended by submission and then number five submission does not mean that you are subject to all men this is really important because because cults like to

use this idea of women being submissive to men to indicate that every man has authority over a woman that's not what's indicated here what's indicated here is that you are subject to your husband and you should not allow other men to be the ones that are that are in control over you so that's what submission does not mean so what does it mean well the word submit means a voluntary attitude of following the authority of another a voluntary attitude of following the authority of another the word subject or submit here is actually a greek military term and the idea of it is to fall into rank the idea of following the authority of another and so we understand that some that the word submission carries with it

the idea of recognizing authority we understand that the word submission carries with it the understanding of the operation of authority we understand that the word submission means there is responsibility. And the responsibility of the wife in the marriage is to follow the lead of the husband. Now, ladies, I'm going to nail the guys really hard later, okay? So just bear with me for a minute, okay? I'm going to have a lot more to say to us as men than I do to the

ladies here. But that's the role. Paul tells us that a wife is to submit to her husband. Now, he couches it with a phrase. He qualifies it with a phrase. He says, wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. Now, once again, I want to tell you what that does not mean. That does not mean that your husband is in the place of God in your life and that you submit to him as if he is the Lord, because that's not what's indicated by that phrase

at all. The idea behind that phrase is that you submit because it is part of your service to the Lord. And I would go so far as to say, and I feel very biblical in saying this, that there is first a submission. There is a submission to the Lord, and then there is a submission to the husband, because the two go hand in hand. And so he says, this is the principle that wives are supposed to follow.

Why? Well, he gives two reasons. The first reason he gives is because of headship. Notice what it says in verse 23. For the husband is head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, he himself being the savior of the body. What does he mean by head? Well, he's speaking to the wife. He's speaking to the husband. He's speaking to the wife. He's speaking to the wife. He's speaking to the husband. He's speaking to the wife. He's speaking to the

husband. He's speaking of authority, but he's also speaking of responsibility. Ladies, you need to understand something. Whether you want to admit it or not, God has intended that men would be the ones that are responsible for the family. They are the ones responsible for the leadership of the family. And we need to know something. Even if a man won't take responsibility, God still holds

him responsible. God will still hold him responsible to be the spiritual head of the home, because that is the way the Bible says it. God will still hold him responsible to be the spiritual head of the home, because that is the way the Bible says it. God will still hold him responsible to be the spiritual head of the home, because that is the way the Bible says it.

God has established it. We saw that when there was a failure of that with Adam, sin came into the world. And so why is a wife to submit to her husband? Because there is a headship that is in place by God. God has placed a man in the spot of being the leader. But that tells me something to tell all of you young single ladies out there that are looking for a man. You're just praying and

waiting for that right guy to come along. I want you to know two things about the kind of guy that you're looking for. Number one, you're looking for a man who will lead. You're looking for a man who will lead. And if you're dating a guy right now that doesn't want to lead, he's kind of like, I don't know, what do you want to do? He won't take the spiritual lead. He won't take the head. Then he's not a guy

you're ever going to follow. If you can't follow him in a dating relationship, you'll never follow him in a marriage relationship. So when you're looking for a guy, look for a guy that can lead. And if you're with a guy right now that can't lead, I'd say you might consider not being with that guy. If you're married and you're with a guy that's not leading, it's time for you to empower him to lead. It's time for you to empower him to take the lead.

We talked about this last week, that there are some men who are scared to lead. And so it's important that women in the relationship empower their husband to take that role. Give him the freedom to take that role. But you young single ladies, there's a second thing that you need to look for in a guy. You need to look for a man that you can respect. You need to look for a man that you can respect. And the man that you can respect,

will always first follow the Lord. It's a scary thing to raise girls in this world. It's a scary thing to raise beautiful girls in this world. I know that because I'm in the middle of it right now. And I tell them over and over again, the world is full of morons, right? The world is full of weak men right now. And that's not a joke. The world is full of weak

men right now who are not to be respected. You know why? Because so many weak men right now are guided by one thing and one thing only, and that's their sex drive. And they're looking for girls, not that they can lead in the things of God. They're looking for girls that they can look to fulfill their own personal needs. And you need, ladies, to find a man that you can respect. So it's important because of headship.

But there's a second reason why it's important. And it's given to us in verse 24. It says, but as the church is subject to, why else is it important? Because the marriage relationship is a picture of Christ and the church. And as Christ, the head leads, the church follows. We submit ourselves to him. And so it's important because we are declaring the gospel to the world around us in the marriage

relationship. Because the gospel is that Jesus loves us so much that he gave himself for us. Therefore, we respond, by wholeheartedly following him. And it's important that we portray for the world that relationship of Christ and the church. And so he says, wives, here's the instructions for you. Respect, follow your husbands. But now we come to the husbands. Men, it's your turn. He says,

husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her. Husbands, love your wives. As we've mentioned before, there's multiple words that are used in the Greek language for love. I'm not going to go through all of them today. I'm just going to tell you what the one word that Paul uses here for love is. And that's the word agape. It's the

highest form of love in the Greek language. And it is our highest form of the understanding of love in the biblical language. The word agape speaks of a sacrificial, unselfish, love. A love that continues to put others first. And in this particular relationship, he says a husband is to love. He is to agape. He is to unselfishly care for his wife. Well, I started

thinking, what is that supposed to look like? And so from some commentaries I've read, I've compiled a list of five things that are important to know about agape love. Number one, agape love is based not on feelings. But on choices and decisions. It's a love that is not based upon feelings, but upon choices and decisions. There are days you're going to wake up and you're going to absolutely feel like

loving your wife because everything's going great. She's doing everything that you could ever imagine a wife would do. You feel wonderful because you got a great night's sleep. You're feeling fulfilled in your job. You're feeling fulfilled in your life. And you know what? Gosh darn it. I just love her. And I love her with all of my heart. And then there's every

other day. Of the week, right? Where you wake up and you didn't get enough sleep because your kid was up crying all night. Or you didn't get enough sleep because you had to go to bed late because you worked late. And you don't feel very good. And quite frankly, things are going as well as you would want for them to go right now. And you have a decision to make. You can either decide,

I'm just going to be selfish because things aren't going my way. Or you can make a decision. I'm still going to love her unselfishly, even though I don't feel like it. I will still put her first, even though it's not what I'm feeling right now. Because brothers and sisters, that's not just agape love. That's commitment, which is what agape love is. So number one, it's a love that is not based on feelings, but on choices and decisions. Number two,

it is a love that is sacrificial and giving. It is sacrificial and giving. Fellas, here's the next thing that we need to know about love. You know how your wife spells love? She spells it T-I-M-E. She wants your time. And men, we are so good at coming up with hobbies, aren't we? We are really good at coming up with those things that we like to do. I love to go, you know, maybe you like to

hang out in the shop. You like to go ride motorcycles. I like to fish. And that feels like a godly hobby because Jesus did it. So I don't allow that hobby to get in the way of anything. But that's not true. But we have all these hobbies, right? Or you want to work a little bit extra because you're trying to get your way up the rung and the ladder. And pretty soon your wife's going, but I just want you. You don't understand. I'm trying to

provide a good life for you. I don't want a good life. I want you. I don't need the next new car. I don't need a bigger house. I don't need more clothes. I've never heard that one. I don't need any of these other things. I just want, I just want you. Because she wants to spend time with you. There's a reason she married you. We can't figure it out, but she knows why. And it's because

she wants to spend time with you. And in order to love your wife, she wants to spend time with you. And in order to love your wife sacrificially, you need to decide some of these time things aren't as important as your wife is. I think I've shared with you before, a good friend of mine that I took care of his, his yard in the section. I took care of that at Lakeview village. His name

was Truman Page. And Truman Page was one of the greatest men of God I've ever met. He's in my top five greatest men of God I've ever met. And he gave me his list of rules for marriage, right? I've since lost the list of rules for marriage. I can only remember two of them. I got lost in a move somewhere. There's two of them that I remember. Uh, the first one that I remember is never yell unless the house is on fire. I always thought that was

a great one to go by, right? The second one that I remember that stuck with me the most is this. If you have the choice between spending time with your wife or spending time doing anything else, always choose your wife because that's loving sacrificially. Number three, agape love means that it loves without changing. You know what your wife wants to know? She wants to know that you love her as much today as you did the day that you married her.

She wants to know that your love is not going to change with the changing of the weather or the changing of the times or the changing of both of your looks, or you named the thing. That's why that phrase in sickness and in health is in there because she wants to know that your love is unchanging and agape love is a love without change. Number four, agape love is a love that loves when rejected because brothers and sisters, we need to know something. When we go through those hard times, you as men may extend that love to your wife and she may go, I'm just not ready for that because you hurt me. You named the thing and it doesn't mean you stop. It means you love even

more because it's a love that continues to love even when rejected. And then number five, and I think this is really, really important. Agape love is a love that does not expect anything. In return, it's a love that does not expect anything. In return, there are way too many marriages in the world today that operate according to a quid pro quo. You do this for me,

I'll do this for you. And that is not what agape love is. It's, I will love you whether you reciprocate that or not. I will love you whether you continue to love me or not. I will always be there for you. The Amplified, I'll say one more thing about this. This is from the Bible. It's how it translates it. It says, husbands continue to practice self-denial for your wives. Isn't that great? Isn't that a perfect way to put that? So he says, husbands,

love your wives. But notice he puts a caveat on this one too. He says, as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. Well, that sort of elevates it, doesn't it? That sort of takes this next level with what the love is supposed to look like. And so I thought, well, how did Christ love the church? And so again, I've come up with three things. Number one, Christ laid aside his glory. So what's that mean for me? It means I need

to humble myself. If I am to love my wife as Christ loved the church, it means I need to humble myself. You know why I need to humble myself? Because men have so much pride. Men have, I don't care who you are. If you're a man, you struggle with pride. And you know how pride exemplifies itself? I want to put me first. That's how pride exemplifies itself. And so if we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church, number one,

we have to lay aside our pride in the way that Jesus laid aside his glory. Number two, it means to serve sacrificially. It means to serve sacrificially. Everything that Jesus did was sacrificial. Every way that Jesus lived was sacrificial. But there was, of course, that one moment when Jesus showed us above and beyond what it looks like to have sacrificial love. And it was that last great night of the feast. You see, Jesus' disciples like to argue

over something because they were, they were men. Right? And so they always argued over who was greatest because what does every man struggle with? Go ahead, shout it out. Pride. Thank you. I heard, I heard that from a woman. Yeah. Every man struggles with pride, right? And so they were always arguing about who was going to be the greatest. And Jesus was always telling them. He said, listen, if you want to be great

in the kingdom, you have to be a servant. The one who would be the greatest should be the slave of all. But finally, it was time to illustrate it because in that last supper, the very last time that he would gather with his disciples before he would lay down his life on the cross. They were still arguing about who was going to be the greatest. So he gave them the greatest

object lesson ever. It says he took off his robe, if you will lay aside his glory. He girded himself with a towel, just like a servant would. He poured water into a bowl and he went around to each of the disciples and he washed their feet. You and I don't always think a whole lot about that because we don't understand Eastern culture. But in Eastern culture, before they went to a big ceremonial meal, they would take a ceremonial bath and

they would be completely cleansed. But on their way, they would be wearing sandals and they would be walking across dirt roads. And so their feet would get dirty. Now, feet are considered to be incredibly unclean in Eastern cultures. And so the lowest of all of the slaves would be the one who would wash the feet. And so Jesus did in practice what he had been

telling his disciples in theory. He said, if you want to be great in God's kingdom, you must learn to be a servant. Men, if we are to love our wives like Christ loved the church, it doesn't necessarily mean we have to give up our lives for them, right? A lot of times we have the romantic view, right? I'll take a bullet for her. I'd step in front of a train for you, right? And all

of the other things that Bruno Mars says in that song. I'll do all of these things for you, right? And it'll be this romantic gesture of love. Bro, she doesn't need you to take a bullet for her. She needs you to wash the dishes for her, okay? Because if we're going to serve our wives sacrificially, you need to decide what that looks like in your life. You need

to decide what that looks like for you. For some of you, serving your wife sacrificially means just that. You need to do the dishes. And you need to do the dishes without being asked. You just need to jump in there and be like, you know what? And he's done. I'm doing it. I'm helping her out. You need to be the one that makes dinner. You know what every woman loves to hear when she comes home? She loves to hear, hey.

What's for dinner, right? I hear that over there. What's for dinner? Wouldn't it be great if one time she came home and you said, hey, honey, I've made dinner. Mind blown, right? Like the greatest thing ever. It'd be serving sacrificially. She'd go, that dude loves me. He cooked it wrong, but he loves me. Right? Because that's serving sacrificially. Some of you need to be the one that gets up with the baby at night. Some of you need to be

the one that tells your wife, you know what? You sit and watch HGTV. The devil's channel for a little while. I'll take care of things around here. For me, you know how I need to love my wife sacrificially? I told the guys this a few weeks ago. I got to finish projects at my house. For me, that's what serving my wife sacrificially means because I'm not good at finishing things. I got like four unfinished projects at my house right

now. And I have made a decision that I have to start getting that stuff done because it's important to her. And you know what happens to us as men? If it's important to our wives, it's not important to us. Because, well, it's not my thing. And I've had to learn. This is something I'm learning right now. That if I am to serve my wife sacrificially, then what's important to her needs to be important

to me. What does it look like to love our wives as Christ loves the church? Well, number one, we need to humble ourselves. Number two, we need to serve sacrificially. Number three, we need to give completely. Your wife wants 100% of you. She doesn't want you to come home and 50% of you still be at work. She doesn't want your eyes to be on another girl. She doesn't want your mind to be on

someone or something else. She wants 100% of you. And sometimes that means you need to communicate what's really going on inside of you because I guarantee every woman in the room will tell you the same thing. Sometimes I wish my husband would just tell me what he really is feeling. And that's not natural for us as men, right? People tell me all the time, they're like, you talk for a living. You must talk all the time. I'm going to tell

you, I'm going to be real honest. I'll get home from church. I won't talk very much this afternoon. You know why? Because I'm still a dude. I still only have so many words. And by the time I'm done on a Sunday morning, they're pretty well gone. And I'm really good at letting my wife sit and tell me all the things that are going on in life and share all of the things with me. And every now and then she's like, what

do you think? And I'm like, sounds good. That ticks her off, right? Just like it does your wife, right? Because she wants to know what's inside. She wants to know what's going on. And your wife wants 100% of you. That means sharing 100% of you with her. You need to give completely. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church. And then he gives us two views of that love. The

first is a sanctifying kind of love. Notice what it says in verse 26, so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in all her glory. Having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. The subject has changed just a little bit. You notice it again. Once again, we're still talking

about Christ in the church. And yet we're also talking about the marriage relationship. Why? Because the two are intertwined. The two are images of each other. And so as he talks about this sanctifying love, we're reminded first of all, that his love sanctifies us, but we're also reminded that we as men are to sanctify our wives. It starts off first of all, with the washing of the word. See what he says here? Look at

verse 26. Read it again. So that he, speaking of Christ, might sanctify her, speaking of the church, having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word. And so first of all, there's a sanctifying process that takes place in the life of us as men. Do you know what that means, men? You need to be in the word. You have to be in God's word for yourself.

Not only because you need to be in the word, but you need to be in the word for yourself. Not only because you need to know it for that cleansing purpose, but because you can't be the man God wants you to be unless the Holy Spirit of God is working through the word of God in your life. That cleansing process of the word is so key for you as a man. And you know what the thing that we never make time for is as men? The word. We're so bad

at it, right? You don't understand. I'd have to get up earlier. Okay. You don't understand. I might have to stay up later. Okay. I might miss some of the game. Okay. Listen, there's a reason it's called a sacrifice, right? It's because it's a, wait for it, sacrifice. You'll have to sacrifice some time. You'll have to sacrifice some entertainment, but it will be the most important sacrifice you make

in your life because that sacrifice is what God will use to fashion you into who he wants you to be. But men, once you have been cleansed with the word, you need to cleanse your marriage with the word. You need to cleanse your wife with the word. You need to cleanse your marriage with the word. How do you do that? Speak it over her, read it to her, talk to her about it. Spend time in God's

word together. Allow her to ask you the questions that you can't answer. And then you figure it out for yourself. This happens all the time. Women come to me and they say, Hey, I have a question and I haven't been able to have it answered yet. Can you tell me what the answer to this question about the Bible is? And I'm always happy to answer it. But you know what I am starting to realize is

that sometimes they've started off asking their husband, and they're like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't And their husband doesn't know the answer. And they say, I don't know. Go ask the pastor. Men,

stop using that as an excuse. I love you too much to let you continue to let me be the only guy that knows the Bible answers. The thing that makes me more sad than anything in the world is I heard a husband say this one time. I won't tell you who it was. But I heard a husband say, you'll have to ask my wife. She knows all the Bible stuff. And I thought, oh, what a biblically unbalanced marriage

that is. It's no problem that his wife knows the Bible stuff. It's sad that he doesn't know the Bible stuff. The way that you wash your wife with the word is by being able to answer her questions. Right, I've never been to Bible college. I don't know how to find all those answers. Then come ask me. You be the one that comes and asks me. How do I answer this question? I'll give you all the

resources I possibly can to help you answer the questions. Because that's what you're to do as husbands. It's washing your wife with the word, and it's amazing how strong a marriage gets when the word is at the center. But not only that, notice what it says next along the lines of this sanctifying love, that he, meaning Christ, might present to himself the church in all of her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. Because

Christ wants to present the church, his bride, spotless, and blameless because of his sanctifying love. But men, I need us to understand something. We have a responsibility as well. And my responsibility is at the end of the day, at the end of my life, I want to be able to present my wife and say, I did everything within my power to point her to you, to lead her to you, to lead her into the truth, to lead her into all godliness. And I can say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I've given it everything that I have.

I've given it everything that I have to fashion her into who God wants her to be. Because we bear that responsibility, that responsibility for that sanctifying love. Now, we need to understand something. Ultimately, Christ does the work because it's Christ who presents the church, but we as men play a role. We play that role because we have that responsibility.

But not only is it a sanctifying kind of love, but it's also a unifying kind of love. Notice what it says in verse 28.

He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his flesh, but he nourishes it and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church. You see, there's a unifying love that's to take place in the marriage. You see, we are to love our wives as we love our own bodies. To love our wives as we love our own bodies. Why? Because they're part of us. We'll take it back to the beginning again. Remember that day that you stood before the pastor

and you struggled your way through the vows and you struggled your way trying to put the ring on her finger and all that kind of stuff. And finally, he said, I now pronounce you husband and wife. At that point in time, you became one. Only now we entered that process of becoming one. And part of that process of becoming one is the understanding that she is not a separate entity

of me. She is a part of me. We are not two individuals now. We are one. Therefore, if I love me, I will love her. If I want to be taken care of, the best way I can do that is to love her because to love her is the same as loving myself because we are one. There is a oneness that takes place between us. And so that love is a unifying sort of love. That love is a unifying

sort of love because I realized that if I nourish and cherish myself, and believe me, I nourish and cherish myself, right? You know who one of my favorite people in the world is? Me. You know, got up this morning, first person I looked at was? Me. And I was like, well, there's only so much we can do. So I shaved my head, right? Because that's probably the best thing I could do to make myself look a little bit better. Checked my beard. Pretty

gray. My wife keeps wanting me to get rid of all the gray in my beard. And I keep telling her it's my wisdom. And she goes, okay. So anyway, you know, I checked my beard out. It's about as well as can be expected. Pretty tired. I need some caffeine. Made the coffee, right? I'm pretty hungry. Ate myself a granola bar. Even ate a protein bar in between services, right? Because

I love me. And I take care of me. And if I love me that much... Nourish and cherish my wife in the exact same way. That's why I make her coffee every morning, right? So he says, love your wives as you would love yourself because the two are now one. And so he's given us these instructions. He says, wives to be subject to your husband, husbands to love your wives. And now we come to verse 31. In verses 31 through 33, I've

just simply titled summing it up because that's exactly what he does. He not only sums up this section, but I feel like he does a fantastic job of pulling together everything that we've talked about over these last three weeks. Notice what it says. He says, for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother, shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

How does he sum it up? Well, first of all, he sums up for us that plan for marriage. That plan for marriage where Paul goes all the way back to Genesis chapter two, just like I did, and says, for this reason, because the two are to become one, a man shall leave his father and mother, be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one. And as we sum this up, I want you to think about something. See, I think that

verse 31 here gives us exactly how we should be praying, not only for our own marriage, but for the marriages of the people that are all around us. Because we need to be praying, Lord, would you allow them to leave behind all of the stuff that would keep them from being who you've called for them to be? Remember we said to leave meant to leave behind the single wife. Lord, would you help them to leave behind any distraction, any family connection, any previous relationships, anything that would keep them from truly being joined to their wife?

Lord, would you help me to leave all that behind? And would you help the people that I know to leave all that behind? And Father, would you help them just to be adhered to each other, just to be together, to stick together, even when the world is pulling them apart? Lord, would you help us to stick together, even when the world is trying to pull us apart? And Lord, would you help them to

become one? Because everybody says they're one because they're married. But that ultimate oneness, where their hearts and their minds and their spirits are locked together, that coming together is one. You know, there's a beautiful thing about that oneness between a husband and a wife. And there's nothing I love more than seeing people who have been married just for

11 billion years, right? They've just been married forever. Like, were you ever not married? Did you come out that way? Right? Because they're just, they've been married that long. I remember, my wife's grandparents, I remember sitting there with them at a meal one time. Maybe it was breakfast. I can't remember. The only story I can remember is this. Because when that oneness begins

to take place, have you ever noticed that sometimes older couples don't have to talk to each other? They just know what the other one's thinking. It's kind of mysterious, right? Sort of a mysterious thing. And he sits down with a bowl of cereal, and he just kind of looks up. She goes and gets a banana. She goes and cuts up the banana on his cereal, goes and throws the peel away.

She sits down. He starts eating his cereal. No word exchanged. Why? Oneness, right? It's a beautiful thing. We need to pray for that kind of oneness within our marriages. And within the marriages around us, why do we need to pray for those things? Because brothers and sisters, we need to know marriages are being attacked at a level that I've never seen before. The enemy is trying to destroy

them because they're a picture of Christ and the church. He sums it up in a second way. He says, this mystery, verse 32, is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. That mystery of marriage is amazing, isn't it? That mystery of marriage or that oneness of two people coming together and becoming one, but that mystery, that amazing truth of two people coming together

to form one is a picture of Christ and the church. And we sum that up because there's a beautiful mystery that takes place there. And as we live out these married lives, it declares that gospel to all the people around us. And that's what we're going to do. We're going to do that. We're going to do that. And then he sums it up a third way in verse 33 with these last instructions for

marriage. Notice what he says. Nevertheless, each individual among you is to love his wife even as himself, and a wife must see to it that she respects her husband. Verse 33 gives us the cliff notes of everything he just said, right? And it's two things. You know what? You know what a woman's greatest need that she has in her life is? Every woman has one great need, and that's to know

that she's loved. You know what? You know what a woman's greatest need that she has in her life is? That's to know that she's going to be cared for, and that there will be someone that will stick by her no matter what. Do you know what the greatest weakness that men have is? Loving someone else because of the pride. Therefore, God gives his command. He says, husbands, love your wife.

It fulfills a woman's greatest need, and it causes a man to have to sacrifice the greatest issue that he has in his life. Husbands, love your wives. You know what the greatest need that a man has in his life is? The greatest need that a man has in his life is respect. You know how I know that? Because what has started every fight ever? You disrespected me. Sure, maybe you disrespected my mama. Maybe you

disrespected my girl. Maybe you drank my beer. Whatever it was, there was disrespect involved, right? It starts every single fight. Therefore, man's greatest need is respect. What is the greatest weakness every woman has? Sorry, ladies, you just do. It's respecting a man. You know, where it came from? It came from the fall. We talked about it last week, because when it says

that a woman's desire will be for her husband, but he will rule over her, there was a power struggle that started. Therefore, a woman's greatest area of failure is to respect a man. So what does God say? He says, wives, respect your husband. It gives the husband what they need the most, and it causes the wife to die to herself in the way that she needs to the most. Isn't it

beautiful how God causes things to work together? But you see, if a man is loving his wife, as Christ loved the church, and she has no problem respecting him, because she knows he's always going to be looking out for what's best for me. I don't always understand what he does. I may not always understand why he does it, but I know it's always for the right reason, because he loves me, and he proves it every day.

And when a woman is respecting her husband, he has no problem loving her, because he feels fulfilled in his life, and he says, I have no problem loving you with all of my heart, because I know that you love me, and I know that you respect me. Isn't it amazing? When those two things work together, there's harmony within a home. Brothers and sisters, your greatest witness to the world is a marriage that is committed to God and committed to each other. Therefore, may these

lessons that we've learned these last three weeks help to strengthen you in your marriage and strengthen you in Christ. Amen. Let's all stand. And if you would bow with me. Amen. Father, we come to you now. Lord, thanking you that you have blessed us with your word. Father, thanking you that you have blessed us with the knowledge of you and with the instructions that we need to live in a godly way.

And so, Lord, I pray that your word would sink deeply into our hearts. May we become the men and women that you have created for us to be, and may we see marriages healed where they need healed, strengthened where they need strengthened, and Lord, that we would see men and women coming together to glorify you. To spread the gospel. We just thank you, Father, in Jesus' name. Amen. Be blessed.

Lord, God, we just thank you for the day. Lord, we just thank you, God, for the word that you've spoken this morning, God. Lord, I just pray that your Holy Spirit go with us as we leave here today. And God, just work in our lives. Work in our marriages, Lord, God. Work in our homes and in our families and in our communities, Lord, God. Lord, let your Holy Spirit do a mighty work in

our lives. Lord, we love you. We praise you and we thank you in your precious and holy name. All God's people said, amen. If you didn't know, this month is Pastor Appreciation Month, so give Pastor Ryan a big old hug on your way out. God bless you.