Biblical Instructions for a Godly Home

y'all stand welcome to calvary chapel this morning those who are with us live and those who are joining us online yeah yeah it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood and and um this is the day the lord has made amen we'll rejoice and be glad in it yes yes and so father as we gather here this morning to worship and song of the study your word to honor you to worship you to know that really without you we're nothing we we're just uh you know blessed are the poor in spirit realizing that we are depraved individuals who need a savior and we thank you for that lord that you saved us as we come to you we love you we thank you lord jesus bless our time but you can set if you need to thanks to

lord jesus we thank you for all that you're doing we do give thanks lord and of course we're reminded that in our country here at the fourth thursday of the month we're gonna actually do that thanksgiving time lord it may be a special time to truly give thanks to you lord we give you praise and thank you lord justified declared righteous by works but by grace what you've done that unmerited favor you bestowed upon us god you so loved the world your motive was love you so loved the world that you began you gave your only begotten son that whosoever would believe in him shall not perish but because of your love your for us price was paid grace god's riches at christ's expense by grace we are saved through faith

we thank you for that it's a gift nothing we can work for many times you say hallelujah or whatever that won't save you no grace we're saved and we thank you for that jesus name i trust you our flesh we want to try to make it ourself you know what's best for us allow things in our hearts you allow things in our lives to show us our need for you lord and we thank you for that we praise you for that we look to you without your heart we know that would you all stand flex the sun lord may we reflect you you know desire to be light and salt those elements of salt and what they do it's it's kind of interesting there's some healing in that salt but it's he is right because i can't believe it's not true it's not true it's not true it's not true

i had this little sore in my mouth lord and i started using that salt for a few days and by golly it's doing much better oh salt is an important thing that we would be salt that people would see that we know yeah there's a little sting in it but may it be seasoned with grace and then that light that reflects you may it come forth as we live our lives lord what we say means so much more we thank you for that we give you praise now ask that you bless us now our time as we study your word pastor rhyme with the power of your holy spirit to bring it forth today in jesus name amen lord bless y'all let's have a little fellowship if you could begin the process of locating your seats grab a bulletin we'll get ready to go over some announcements

together to calvary chapel i'm glad that you have joined us this morning a handful of announcements for you to take note of as always on the left hand side are the things that are going on throughout the uh throughout the week uh over in the middle section of your bulletin a couple of things to take note of um well i've got a couple ladies will make announcements on those uh saturday november the 11th this coming saturday uh there's a women's breakfast at daisy maze at eight o'clock a.m and then a reminder that this sunday november the 12th that's this coming sunday uh operation christmas child boxes are due also if you are interested in going to dallas with the operation

christmas child crew uh to work in the warehouse down there there are still some spots available there will be a meeting after this service and second service if you have questions for janna it'll be down at the other end of the hallway uh in the agape room so uh and then one other thing that's not in your bulletin is that there is a one-day women's conference uh at grace calvary fellowship in wellington on december the second uh from 9 a.m to 4 p.m it is free and i'm not sure about a sign up just yet i will get some more details on if we need to get a uh a head count um but i know that it should be a great time for you ladies so take note of that and uh and get

plugged in now i've got a couple ladies that need to come up and make announcements so judy would you like to come up for just a minute or stay down there for just a minute good morning a couple of things there's a community-wide living nativity being put on this year we've been asked to do the wise man scene i still need three wise men i'll just take three men no i want three wise men and i still need a joseph one more the thing is if i can get doubles on each one then we only have to it's two nights and so you'd only have to do it for one night it's like a two-hour thing and so two and a half hours so i need four guys so stand up guys um another thing starting today during second

service we'll be starting a children's practice they're going to be doing a special one sunday in december so we're going to start practice at the beginning of each church children's church thing for several weeks and this evening at four o'clock we're starting an adult choir for a special this in december so if you haven't signed up to be in the adult choir again we would love to have more men why do women always sign up more than men just asking because i know you guys can sing so anyway we'd love to have you come out at four o'clock in here to do the women's adult choir so living nativity children's choir adult choir thanks okay all um today is a reminder for

our um potluck that's at five you ladies are going to be busy um from four to five but anyway um it's for um it's basically calvary time for pastor appreciation i know it was for the month of october but here we are in november but we want to be able to say thank you to our pastors but also um to have a fellowship we have not with the different services two different services and people coming and going and practice and games and everything we really have to purpose to bring unity to this fellowship god has things for us to do and we need to be unified in that and so i'm hoping that this fellowship dinner will be uh a start for that um so we're going to have a little um it'll be a little tree card tree card

tree thing um and so if you just if you haven't already gotten anything for pastor ryan and aaron or pastor alan and marianne uh bring your card if you want to put a little gift card in there that's okay um surprise um and there's also so you can clip it on the little tree and then um there'll be room down underneath if you have a little gift or anything for them but we just want to make sure that we uh let them know that they are loved and appreciated because the work out there is tough but again we need to be unified in it and come and have some some dinner it's at the ag building at five because you guys know we don't fit anywhere here anymore so um at the ag building at five do the standard bring a main dish and either a dessert

or something like that and then we're going to have a little gift card and then we're going to have a main dish and and a side and we'll have plenty of food plenty of fellowship i'm going to try and plan maybe a couple little games but we'll just see um see how we do so thank you and spread the word okay if you could make sure that your mobile device is silenced and for our responsive reading this morning we are going to be in psalm 65 psalm 65 looking at the new american standard for this part so we sound the same if you need one should be one around you and as you are turning to psalm 65 if you are able please stand in the honor of the reading of god's word i will read the odd verses if you will follow along with pastor

allen and the even verses psalm 65 for the choir director a psalm of david a song there will be silence before you and praise in zion oh god and to you the vow will be performed oh you who hear my prayer to you all men come iniquities prevail against me as for our transgressions you have forgiven them how blessed is the one whom you chose and bring near to you to dwell in your courts we will be satisfied with the goodness of your house my awesome deeds you answer us in righteousness oh god our salvation you who are the trust of all the ends of the earth and of the farthest sea who establishes the mountains by his strength being in the presence of the lord of the earth and of the

girded with might who stills the roaring of the seas and the roaring of their waves and the tumult of the peoples they who dwell in the ends of the earth stand in awe of your signs you make the dawn and the sunset shout for joy you visit the earth and cause its overflow you greatly enrich it the stream of god is full of water you prepare their grain for thus you prepare the earth you water its furrows abundantly you settle its ridges you soften it with showers you bless its growth you have crowned the year with your beauty and your paths drip with fatness the pastors of the wilderness drip and the hills gird themselves with rejoicing and read verse 13 with me the meadows are clothed with flocks and the

valleys are covered with grain they shout for joy yes they sing and father we do praise you for your abundance lord we praise you for your provision we praise you for who you are and so lord as we spend time in your word this morning i just ask that you would move in our hearts by the power of your holy spirit father that you would draw us near to you and teach us what you would have us to learn this morning in jesus name amen you may be seated and if you would open up in your bibles to the book of ephesians chapter six ephesians chapter six this morning we look at a different set of relationships we've been spending quite a bit of time talking about the marriage relationship but now we deal

with other relationships within the home in particular the title of this morning's message is biblical instructions for a godly home and we'll deal with parents and children now as i was thinking about this subject this week i thought about all of the things that get brought up especially about kids okay so i'm going to talk to you about some of the things that i hear and see all the time so the problems that we see are the problems that we see are the problems that we see so i always hear first of all about kids being disrespectful right we hear this a lot but in fact uh in ark city uh over the summer there was a group of little hoodlums that would ride their bicycles down the middle of summit street and everybody would have to dodge them

i've never actually seen this happen before quite like it did this last summer where uh where you would have to actually slam on your brakes to prevent hitting a child on a bicycle that was in the middle of the road and had no intention of moving for you as a matter of fact they just looked at you daring you to hit them we all know what i'm talking about because we all encountered them and then they would leave all of their bicycles laying right in front of the door to brahms to where you literally had to step over their bicycles to get into brahms and that's the disrespect oftentimes that we see in the culture today the second thing that we see is that we see a failure to obey authority whether it's teachers

talking about kids whether it's uh courtrooms talking about kids there's a failure to obey authority what we see right now is a spike in crime especially in the middle of the road and especially violent crime amongst kids under the age of 18 we see a spike in drug use and quite frankly a spike in drug overdoses i just read an article this past week about a school in virginia that over the past month has had it was either four or five overdoses on fentanyl because kids are taking illegal drugs and they're being laced with fentanyl the other thing that we see is we see an increase in adolescent depression adolescent anxiety and adolescent suicide these are the issues that we're seeing in the culture

today amongst our young people and so at the root we have two things we have kids that don't want to obey or respect authority but you know there's a second thing that we have at the root of this and it's the thing that we never like to talk about and that's that we have parents who won't hold kids accountable you see there's a two-fold route to the issue and that's what paul is going to deal with so as we see the issues in the culture we're reminded that once again we're going to have to begin the best thing that we can do is look to scripture and find out what the bible has to say about godly relationships in the home and so we pick up in chapter six verse one and this is what

it says children obey your parents in the lord for this is right honor your father and your mother which is the first commandment with a promise so that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth fathers do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the lord now again this entire section started in chapter 5 verse 21 where paul told us that we are to submit to one another in the fear of god the first relationship of mutual submission that we looked at was a relationship of husbands and wives the second relationships that we look at with mutual submission are those of children and parents and so

paul starts off talking about children matter of fact there's two things we're going to see instructions for the children and instructions for the parents he starts off with the instructions for the children and they're very basic he says children obey your parents now we do have a handful of kids i was like how am i going to teach this the first service like no kids ever come to first service i'm really glad that you kids are here so uh sorry children obey your parents now that word obey is kind of an interesting word because at the root of the word obey is the word to hear or to listen now i find that to be kind of fascinating that you cannot obey if you do not first listen the word literally means to hearken to a command to be obedient to

or to submit to now while the word submit is used in the definition this is a very different word than the word that we saw uh when it dealt with husbands and wives it's a different type of word for submit that word means to put yourself under authority this one literally means to obey to hearken to or to listen to and so the first thing that we have to realize that if kids are going to obey is that they must learn to listen to instructions i'm always reminded of the scene from that movie major pain you ever see that movie do you understand the words coming out on my mouth how many of us have talked to our kids that way sometimes right i remember sitting in a group of

teenagers uh when i was a youth pastor and and i'm sitting there trying to give instructions to something and i just look at one of them and i'm like you can hear me right like you know that i'm talking right and he's like i hear every word that you're saying right he's the only kid that knew anything that was going on because all the rest of them were having a conversation all in and of themselves because the least natural thing for us to do is to listen but that starts when we're very small children and so he says children obey your parents now it's interesting because in the greek structure of the word obey here it is in the present imperative which means that this obedience is to be a habitual

continual action it's not something that you pick and choose you don't decide well today i'm going to obey and tomorrow i don't it's something that is to be habitual and continual in the life of a child now the second thing that we're told about this obedience is he once again puts a caveat on it he says children obey your parents in the lord now i appreciated what the amplified bible again had to say about this because when it said in the lord in parentheses he said accept their guidance as his representatives accept their guidance as his representatives now this speaks both to parents and children here for children it reminds them that as their parents are raising them and giving them instructions they are being used as the

representatives of god and that's really important because obedience leads to self-control obedience leads to wisdom. And we'll talk about that in just a minute. But as parents, we need to realize that as we are raising our kids, we are their representative of God. We are representing God's authority in the life of our children. And so that reminds us of something. And for you kids,

you need to understand something. If your parents ever ask you to do something that is ungodly, you are not held accountable for that. That is something that you do not have to obey. I bring that up because we live in a world where parents are very ungodly today. And parents are asking kids to do ungodly things. I'm reminded of stories that I've heard of parents who have asked their kids to lie for them. Parents who have asked their kids to deceive other

people for them because they don't want to get caught in what they're doing. And now poor little Johnny has to be exposed to not only whatever sin his parents committed, but now he has to cover up that sin for the sake of his parents because he feels like his life is dependent upon it. You see, children are to obey their parents, in the Lord, as long as it does not violate God's command. But then we're given a second little caveat here. They are to obey in the Lord. Why? Because this is right. That word right

is more aptly translated righteous. Because this is righteous. Righteous. It is part of a responsibility to the Lord because obedience, is what teaches wisdom and self-discipline. You see, what I also see in the world right now is I see a good number of adults who don't respect authority, who don't obey the law, who don't obey the rules. You know where that started for them? It started with the fact that

they never learned to obey their parents. Therefore, they have no wisdom and no self-control because from a very early age, they were never taught wisdom and self-discipline. They have no self-control. Obedience as a child is important because it shapes the way that you will handle authority for the rest of your life. And so he tells them, children, obey your parents

in the Lord for this is right. But the second thing that he commands them to do is this. He says, honor your father and your mother, which is the first commandment with a promise so that it may be well with you and that you may be able to do what you want. And so he tells them, you may live long on the earth. The second thing that he tells them to do is just a little bit

different. And I find it interesting that he uses these two different words because he uses the word honor. The word honor means to esteem or to value as precious. You are to honor your father and your mother. Now, I believe that when he speaks of children, obey your parents, it specifically is for those who are living in the household of the parent. When we move into the aspect of honor,

I think it starts talking more to adult children and how they handle their parents and how you continue to look at your parents. Because we are reminded that once you are outside of the home, you are no longer subject to be obedient to your parents in the same way. And that's an important thing for us as parents to remember because too many times we say, I'm still trying to parent my adult child. Well, then you need to stop. You need to stop because

they no longer need to be obedient to you because if you've done it right, they're now being obedient and that's who they ultimately are accountable to. However, the fact still remains that you are to honor your mother and your father. Well, what does that look like? Well, I think, uh, to honor your father, your father and your mother takes on three forms. Number one is respect. It's to respect your

parents. There, there should be a godly respect that we have for the authority of our mother and father, starting at a young age, leading on into when they're old. Leading on into the fact that now I am a parent and I still respect my parents because they're fantastic people. And I respect the position that they have. I respect the rules that they made. I didn't understand them at the time. I didn't agree with them at the time, but I can look back and I

can go, but I respect what they did because I know that they were following God with all of their heart. And as they get older, I continue to respect. That's what we're to do. We are to continue to respect the elderly. It's a horrendous, horrendous, horrendous, horrendous, horrendous, thing when we see the elderly that are no longer respected by the generation. But the reason why

they're no longer respected by the younger generation is because adults aren't always respecting their elders. You say, well, kids are just disrespectful to older people. Well, how do you treat them? How do you treat your parents? And I'm talking to you all that are here as adults. Do you honor them? Do you respect them? Or do you talk down about them? Do you talk

down to them? Do you treat them like they're less than? Because we are to respect, we are to honor our parents. The second thing that it means, I believe, is that it means that we are to love them. And again, as we talk about love, does it mean that they, that it's always the feeling that we have? No, it's the decision that we make. To love means that we will always care for them. We will always be there for them because we all know that that

parent-child relationship changes as we get older, but the love never ends. We're to love our parents. And we really, we realize these things knowing that the obedience, because I think that's the third aspect of honoring our parents, obeying them, that transitions as we do. Honoring your parents means obeying them when you're kids, respecting them as you're older. He says, children, obey your

parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother. But then he tells us why it's important to honor our father and mother, because this is the first commandment, with a promise. So what does he mean by that? Well, go back with me to Exodus chapter 20. Exodus chapter 20, in the giving of the 10 commandments.

Let's just look at them quickly, shall we? Starts off in chapter 20, verse 1. It says, then God spoke all these words saying, I am the Lord, your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol or any like. What is in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the water underneath the earth. You shall

not worship them or serve them for I, the Lord, your God, I'm a jealous God visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate me, but showing loving kindness to those who love me and keep my commandments. You shall not take the Lord, the name of the Lord, your God in vain for the Lord will not leave him unpunished who takes his name in vain. Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy. You shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh is a Sabbath of the Lord, your God in it.

You shall not do any work. You or your son or your daughter, your male or your female servant or your cattle or your sojourner who stays with you for in six days, the Lord made the heavens and the earth and the sea and all that's in them and rested on the seventh day. Therefore, the Lord blessed the Sabbath and made it holy. Honor your father and your mother that your days may be prolonged.

And the land which the Lord, your God gives you, you shall not murder. You shall not commit adultery. You shall not steal. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor and you shall not covet what your neighbor has. I won't read all that you're not supposed to covet. Now it's kind of interesting because in general, we lay out the table of the law in two ways. We usually

say that there are four that have to do with our relationship with God, six that have to do with our relationship with each other. In the middle of those two, sits commandment number five, which is honor your father and your mother that your days may be long upon the earth. Now again, as Western culture Protestant believers, we say that the first four have to do with our relationship with man or with God. The last six have to do with our relationship with each other. Do you know that the Jewish people separated five and five and they say that

that fifth commandment is a part of your obedience to the Lord, your honoring of the Lord. And isn't it interesting that it sits right there in the middle, the hinge pin, the linchpin, the middle spot of your relationship with the Lord and your relationship with other people has to do with your relationship with your mother and father. Why? Because that is one of the most important relationships that you have because it forms the foundation for how you will view God. It forms

the foundation for how you will view other people. It forms the foundation upon which you will end up living your life because that relationship that you have with God is the foundation for how you will with your parents is important because it's where you learn authority and all of the rest of life is based upon how well you handle authority. Have you ever thought about that? How do you know you're doing good in your job? Well, if the one of the authority says you're doing good in your job,

how do you know you're doing good in your marriage? Well, are you under the authority of the Lord? Wives, are you under the authority of your husbands? Well, then your marriage is usually in pretty good shape. See, authority is one of the most important things that we have in culture, but if we don't learn it from our mother and father, we find that we don't have the authority to do good in our lives. So,

we struggle with it for the rest of our lives. And so, that commandment is important. And he says, honor your father and your mother that your days may be long upon the earth. There's a promise there. If you honor your mother and father, it's going to go well for you for the rest of your life. Does that mean that if you always obey your parents, you'll never have

problems? No. It means that there is a distinct blessing in honoring your mother and your father. The youth pastor that I used to serve under up in Johnson County always put it this way. I always found this to be kind of an interesting thing. He said, I believe in the protective umbrella of authority. When kids are obedient to their parents, they are under that protective umbrella of authority. But when you get outside of that,

that's when harm oftentimes comes. How does every story start off when you got injured? You were almost always doing something your parents didn't want you to do, right? Now, sometimes that's not true. Sometimes you're playing a sport, but a lot of times it started with, this one time, well, my mom and dad told me not to, but I decided, and it ends with, and I went to

the emergency room, right? Why? Because you were outside of the protective umbrella of authority. You see, I tell this to my girls all the time. I tell them, I've been where you are. I know what you're going through, and I've worked with young people for a really long time. I can tell you exactly the direction that that's going to go if you do it. And they don't listen to me,

and they do it anyway. And it goes exactly the direction I said it was going to go. One time has my oldest daughter come to me and said, dad, you were right. And I was like, write it down, because it's going to happen a whole lot more, right? Because we've been there, and we know, and we understand. And so he says, honor your father and mother, back to Ephesians.

He says, honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the earth, because it's a commandment that comes with a promise. And so that's his instructions for the children. But now comes, his instructions for the parents. Let's read it again. Verse four. It says, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and the instruction

of the Lord. Now, as he starts off these commandments, he names only one member of the parental unit, and that's fathers. It's kind of interesting for us to pay attention to that, because we must understand that in a Roman society, fathers had the ultimate authority in the home. They were the ones responsible for the home, and they were like dictators within their home. And so for him to address this to fathers was

a really important thing at that point in time. It would be foolish for us not to think that in our understanding of scripture, that this also speaks to parents in general, but the command here is specifically given to fathers, partly because of that culture. But I think there's a second reason why the command is given to fathers, and that's that we as men are responsible. We are responsible for what happens with our children, because ultimately we as men are responsible, because we're the heads of the home. And so he addresses it to fathers, because we're

the ones that have been given that responsibility. And men, I don't think we can say it enough, that responsibility is important, because it's just that. It is a responsibility. And we can't shove it off on our wives and say, you handle the kids, I'll go to work. No, that's an imbalanced home, because they'll never really understand that. And so he addresses it to fathers, and they're

going to understand that authority. And so he addresses fathers, and this is what he says. He says, fathers, number one, do not provoke your children to anger. Do not provoke your children to anger. What does he mean by provoking them? What does it look like to provoke your child to anger? Well, I've written down a handful of things that I think as mothers and fathers,

but especially us as fathers, need to pay attention to. Things that can provoke, our kids to anger. Kids, feel free to hold your mom and dad responsible for this, okay? The first thing that can provoke our kids to anger is unrealistic expectations. Unrealistic expectations. Sometimes we hold our kids to a level that nobody could ever reach. We say, you should be able to do this. You should be able to obey like this. I expect you to be like this,

because we get a picture in our mind sometimes of what our kids are supposed to look like. And when we get that picture in our mind of what our kids are supposed to look like, we hold them accountable to that picture, forgetting that that is an unrealistic expectation. After all, what does God expect from us? Nothing, right? What are we told in the Psalms? That he remembers our frames, that we are but dust, right? But when we hold our kids to those

unrealistic expectations, it can provoke them to anger. The second thing that can provoke our children to anger is that we hold our kids to a level that nobody could ever reach. We hold our kids to a level that nobody could ever reach. We hold our kids to a level that nobody could ever reach. The third thing that can provoke our kids to anger is an overly critical spirit. An overly critical

spirit. We just nitpick our kids over every single little thing. We nitpick them about the way that they do their hair, about the clothes that they wear, about the fact that they don't do this good enough. You don't do this right enough. And we just are overly critical about everything in their lives. We're over critical about the way that they talk, the way that they walk, the way

that they play games, the way that they chew their food. And pretty soon your kid's going, I can't do anything right. And you know what happens when kids think they can't do anything right? They decide, I'm just not gonna do anything right. Because eventually they give up. Because we have to understand our kids have fragile souls. That if we damage, they'll end up going that

direction. I don't know how many kids I've talked to that said, everybody expected me to be a screw up. And so I just decided I was gonna be a screw up. Because I couldn't meet their expectations anyway. They just criticize me all the time anyway. I may as well just do what I want to do. And sometimes we provoke our kids to wrath by being overly critical of everything about them.

The third way that we can provoke our kids to wrath is comparison. Comparison. Comparison always begins with, that's not what I did. That's not what I did. That's not what I did. That's not what I when I was a kid. When I was a kid, if I would have done that, and I do this to my kids all the time, and I have to remind myself, don't do this. It's a terrible idea. You know, when I was a kid,

if I would have done that, this is what would have happened to me. One of my girls said one time, man, I'm glad I wasn't a kid when you were, right? Because sometimes we compare them to who we were growing up. And you know what we oftentimes do? We romanticize the way that we grew up, and we think that we were so great growing up, when really, mom and dad have a different story.

Right? And so, first of all, we compare them to who we are. Second of all, you know who we compare them to? Their brothers and sisters. You know, your sister never did this. You know, your sister never acted this way. When your sister was her age, when your brother was your age, they were able to do this. And we compare them to each other, forgetting that they are very unique individuals.

And sometimes kids come out naturally obedient. I've never seen anything like it, but I know that there's some kids that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, come out and they're just like, they just naturally do what they're supposed to do. They're usually the oldest, right? And they just, they just do, or they're the girl, or they just do what they're supposed to do, right? They just, they always fall into line. And you're like, I'm

the greatest parent ever. And then kid number three comes along and you're like, what did I do wrong? Right? Oh my gosh. When, when my girls, my girls, okay, so my oldest one, Violet, would not sleep. We brought her home and I was like, oh sweet Jesus, she's never sleeps, does she? This is, I'm never going to go to the store again. I will never get a full night's sleep again, right?

And so first three months of her life, that's the way that it was. Once she could start rolling over, life was awesome. Then she could start crawling, greatest kid ever, right? We brought Nora home and you know what I was expecting? I was like gearing myself up because now I'm like, okay, well now I'm, now I'm almost 32. And so I'm like, okay, I'm not going to handle no sleep like I used to.

Okay, I can do this. All right. So we brought her home and, and she slept five hours the first night. I checked to make sure she was breathing. I was like, what? Yep. Yep. You're breathing. She's alive. Dear God, this is what they meant. People used to tell us with Violet, man, just, just let her sleep in the car seat. Like, oh, hadn't thought about that one. Hadn't thought about just let her sleep in a car seat, even

though we did every single day. And then we put Nora in the car seat and she just slept and we're like, so that's what they meant. They just sleep in that crazy thing, right? Because they're two completely different kids. And they're, we have to parent them two completely different ways. And I can't compare them to each other, even though sometimes it's my tendency, even though sometimes

it's my temptation, but then, you know, who else we compare them to other kids, their age. And we go, what about all these other kids? Why can't you get grades like they get? Why can't you be an athlete like they are? I wish you obeyed like they do. And you know what we don't see? We don't see behind the scenes in anybody else's house. We don't see behind the scenes anywhere else because some kids are really good at being

obedient in front of everybody else, but you get them home and they're terrible. And some kids are terrible in front of everybody else because they're showing out and you get them home and they're perfect angels. We have got to quit comparing our kids to ourselves, to each other and to other kids because it will always lead them to wrath because they will always feel defeated because you've set a standard they can't achieve. Number four that will lead kids to wrath or kids to wrath is, is neglect. Now I'm going to paint this in two different ways. Sometimes neglect

that can be exactly what it sounds like. It's just neglect. I really don't feel like in this way we probably have very many parents within our church that do this. I think we have very good parents in our church. I don't think anybody's just leaving their kids for days on end when they've got no food or anything like that. But I do know that that happens. And quite frankly, you leave me

for four days without food, I'm going to be pretty angry about it. But neglect can end up leading to wrath. But you know, there's another way that we neglect our kids, and that's just that we don't pay attention to them. We let them run and do whatever they want to do. We let them act however they want to act. We never discipline them. We never tell them no to anything. We never pay

attention to the fact that, hey, look at what you're doing, right? How many kids come up to you and show you the exact same picture they've drawn 37 times? And they say, look what I did. And you know what they want you to do? All they want you to do is go, that's so great. It doesn't matter if it's the same bird they've drawn for you 37 times. And it doesn't even look like a bird.

It looks like a giraffe, right? It doesn't matter. They just want to do it. just want you to pay attention. They just want you to look. But too many of us neglect our kids. Too many parents are neglecting their kids and eventually their kids start going, mom and dad don't, they don't care. I'm not going to ask dad to play with me because he always says no. He's too busy with his video games. He's too busy on his phone. He's too busy going fishing. He's

too busy doing all these other things. I'm just not even going to talk to dad about it because he's not going to pay attention anyway, right? And if they don't pay, if you don't pay attention to them when they're a little kid, then they become a teenager and they say, I can do that because they won't, they won't pay attention. They won't care. You know who two of the most

famous people in the Bible that neglected their kids are? Actually, there's three of them. David, Samuel, and Eli. Three very famous godly men that neglected their kids. And because they neglected their kids, they paid the, they paid the penalty for it. Because they let them live however they wanted to. Number five is inconsistency. Inconsistency. Nothing will drive a kid nuts more than the rules changing every single day.

One day they show up and what they do is awesome and it's cool and you think it's hilarious. The next day they crack the exact same joke and you are all over them for it. Yelling at them, telling them how inappropriate it is. And they're going, yesterday you, you laughed. What, what's the problem today? Yesterday the rules were this. Why are the rules this today? And that inconsistency always creates issues. Because one day you're strict

parent. The next day you're permissive parent. And finally they find themselves going, I don't ever know what to do because every day is a new adventure in my house. And that inconsistency creates issues. I don't care what sort of small thing you're taking care of. I don't care if it's a dog. I don't care if it's a cat. Well, cats don't care about anything. I don't care if it's a cat.

I don't care if it's a kid, whatever it is, you have to be consistent because it always has to be the same because kids crave consistency. You know why kids crave consistency? Because it means security. Remember what we talked about last week with husbands and wives, what your wife really wants men is for you to always be the same. They want that love to be

there all the time without change. Your kids want the exact same thing. They want to know if it's today, it's always wrong. They want to know if it's okay today, it's always okay because they need that consistency in their life. They want to know if he's going to love me today, they're going to always love me because kids thrive on that because it gives them the freedom to be who God

has created for them to be because they're not living their lives constantly scared of the change. They live their lives with the confidence of knowing that mom and dad are always there. They may not like the rules, may hate the rules. Mine do sometimes, but they always know it's always going to be there. The last thing that can cause wrath or provoke our kids to anger is just simply

permissiveness. Give your kids whatever they want. There are entirely too many homes in America. And quite frankly, I'm just going to be honest. There's far too many homes in the church where the kids are the ones in charge. There are too many homes in the church where the kids are the ones in charge of the home. Kids choose where they go to church. Kids choose what TV shows

they're going to watch. Kids choose every night what's for dinner. Kids are the ones in charge of the home. And it's easy to spot because you go, oh, look, that kid's in charge of that house. You know how I can tell? Because dad does everything they tell him to do. I heard somebody say one time, everything I do is for my kids. And it's like, well, then your life is out of balance

because if everything you do in life is for your kids, then they don't really understand reality. Because that's not reality. Putting your kids first and everything is not reality. Jesus has to come first. And then your spouse has to, my girls ask me all the time, dad, do you love us more than mom? That's what happens when you have two girls, right? Do you love, I'm

like, well, I love you different than mom, but I'm always going to love mom more because she's my wife. I'm never going to not love you. And I'm always going to do everything I can to provide for you and be there for you. But when it comes right down to it, mom comes first. I'm sorry. She's my wife. Because Jesus, my mom, and then you, or, or, your mom, and then you guys, because it has to be that way. If that order is off, if your kids

take first place over everything in your life, then you have an out of balance home. And it means your kids are in charge of everything. And there's way too many homes where kids are in charge of everything and everything revolves around your kids. Therefore, your kids grow up thinking that life revolves around them. And isn't it kind of interesting that what do most people in

our world think that the world revolves around right now? Them. And so we have to understand that that permissiveness leads to wrath and anger. Now he says, fathers do not provoke your children to wrath. Instead, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. There's actually three phrases I want to look at in that, in that verse, because the first one is bring them up. It's actually kind of an interesting phrase that's

used there because in the Greek instruction, that phrase bring them up literally means to nourish and to nurture. Now remember, who has he addressed at this point in time? Fathers. I think that's kind of interesting because of the phraseology that he uses here. He tells the fathers that you are to nourish and nurture the children. Amplified Bible translates it this way, with tenderness

and loving kindness. You know why he tells fathers that? Because you know, it's not natural to us. Tenderness and loving kindness, right? I see, I see all these memes and they're, they're great. They're hilarious. And, and it's usually a little bit different when you have girls, when you have boys. One of them's like, uh, you know, when dad wakes his son up and he's like, basically just a

drill sergeant, right? He just rips him out of bed and tells him to give him 20 pushups, tells him to clean up his room, all this kind of stuff. And then, then he goes to get his daughter out of bed and he's like, sweetie, I made you muffins. Okay. It's time to, time to get out of bed this morning. And I showed that to my daughter and she was like, wow, dad, that was you. I didn't always make

muffins every morning, but I, I treat my girls pretty good. I take pretty good care of them. I'm pretty nice to them. And until there comes a point, but usually I'm pretty nice with them, right? But we as fathers sometimes have to be told to be nourishing and nurturing to our kids because it doesn't come as naturally to us. You ladies, that's what you do. It's what you're made

for. You're like, this is my wheelhouse. Let's do this thing. Right? But we're told to bring them up in that tenderness and loving kindness. And it's important because that is the governor upon which we should put the next two things that he's going to tell us that we need to do. Because he says is bring them up in the discipline, discipline. That word discipline literally

means training, correction, or chastening. It's the same word that's used when in the book of Hebrews, it says those whom the Lord loves, he chastens or he corrects. But I think it's interesting that within that definition of the word discipline is the word, training, that word training, because we must understand something. The Bible has an immense amount to say about discipline. It actually has an immense amount to say about what I would call

corporal discipline. Uh, for instance, just read the proverb. I could give you a list of about 15 proverbs right now that talk about discipline. And you know what most of them talk about using the rod. Now I am not going to, because I do not want us to get shut down right now. I am not going to stand up here and say, you should start spanking your children because every

child is different in discipline for every child needs to look a little bit different, man. For some kids, you just got to look at them cross-eyed and they melt and they're done game over. That's all you needed to do. And for some of them, they may need military school. I don't know. You know, I mean, they're all a little bit different, but the important thing is that we realize is this

discipline has a purpose. And that's what oftentimes is missed in parenting. We're annoyed. And so we yell at our kids. We're embarrassed. And so we yell at our kids. We are embarrassed about what they've done. And so we tell them, this is your punishment because I'm embarrassed about what you've done, but we never get around to why what they did was wrong.

And it's because we usually view discipline as how it, how it affects us. Your behavior affected me because you made me look bad as a parent. And that's not what discipline is. Discipline is and sometimes it starts off with that correction. I need to discipline you because what you did was wrong, but let's talk about what you need to do right next time. Now there has to be consequences

for actions. I've had to do this in some very harsh ways in my kids' lives. Sometimes there has to be consequences for actions, but with the consequences, there needs to come training. Why are you disciplining me for this? Why is what I'm doing wrong? One of the things I love about having a teenager is that I'm not doing it right. I'm not doing it right. I'm not doing it right. I'm not

doing it right. I'm not doing it right. I'm not doing it right. I'm not doing it right. I'm not doing it right. Is that she asks me lots of questions like, dad, I don't know why this is wrong. I need you to explain that to me. And there's some really good questions because the whole rest of the world around her is telling her this is okay. And I'm saying, but it's not. And I can walk her through.

Well, this is why this is wrong. This is why it's wrong. According to the Bible, this is what the natural consequences of doing this will be. This is what my consequences for doing this will be. This is what God's consequences. For doing this will be. And we train them. Yes, there has to be consequences for bad behavior because in a world where there are no consequences, there is chaos. We're told in the book of Judges,

which we'll be getting into in a few weeks on Wednesday nights, that there was no king in the land and everyone did that, which was right in their own eyes. And the reason why kids don't respect authority now is because they've never been taught authority through discipline as kids. And parents, that discipline doesn't just have to come through you. Sometimes it can come through teachers. I have

a very good friend that's a teacher. They said that quite some time back now, and they said, I had to make a phone call to a parent because their kid got in trouble and I had to let them know what the discipline was going to be for them. And you know what the parent told me on the phone? We don't believe in that kind of discipline. So we're not going to allow you to do that.

I'm here to tell you right now, we'll be looking for him in the jail. We'll be looking for him in the police. Because when you don't discipline them, eventually someone will. If you don't believe in it now, the government will later. Because that's what ends up happening. And so we are to discipline our children. And remember, they will gain an understanding of earthly authority because of this, but also the goal

is to ultimately make them accountable to God's authority. And that's what we need to remember with our discipline. My goal is not just to make them obedient to me. Wonderful French benefit. My goal is to make them accountable to God. Because while they live under my roof, they're under the law. But once they leave my roof, once they leave my house, they're no longer under law. They're under grace and they

have a decision to make. Will I submit to the authority of God or will I throw off all authority and live however I want to? I will have a lot to do with that in the way that I discipline my children because I want to make them accountable to God. I will have a lot to do with that in the way that I discipline my children because I want to make them accountable to God.

And then he tells them one last thing. He says not only to bring them up in discipline, but to bring them up in the instruction of the Lord. Literally what that means is verbal instruction. Verbal instruction. Again, this goes back to kind of where we started with kids. Parents, we have to talk to our kids. And you have to start talking to them at a very young age. As a matter of fact,

I think even in the womb, you should be talking to your kids. I think even in the womb, you should be talking to kids. I used to talk to Aaron's belly all the time because they get used to your voice. And you know what happened when my oldest daughter was born? Soon as she was born, right? Oh, she's got dimples. I said, hi, Violet. And she went, and they said, she knows your voice

because I talked to the belly, right? I'm like, Hey, how are you doing? Oh, look at you moving around in there. The hiccups again, huh? Right. And I just talked to her all the time and you got to start talking to them so that they know your voice so that they know where you come from so that they understand what you think. You start reading them the Bible at a very early age. You

start reading them the Bible from the minute they pop out the womb, right? And the first things that they hear are Bible stories so that you're continually teaching them. And as kids, you're teaching them the basic lessons, the basic understanding of life. And then as they get older, like I'm experiencing now, I can start teaching based upon this is what I did wrong.

This is some of the mistakes that I made. These are some of the failures I've had in my life. And that's why I'm making some of these rules is because I don't want to see you go through what I went through. I don't want to see you do what I did. I don't want to see you fall in the same ways. And Aaron and I are always talking to our girls, sharing with them those things, because that's what it means to bring

them up in the instruction. I tell them about my life. I tell them about my relationship with Jesus Christ. I tell her what God's teaching me in the word right now. And sometimes they care and sometimes they don't. And we talk about all these things. Why? Because we are to bring them up in the instruction of the Lord. Not just the instruction of how to work on cars. That's a beautiful thing. Not just the

instruction of how to cook. You should absolutely do that. Not just the instruction of what it looks like to have a clean house or how to have a budget or how to do your taxes. I still haven't figured that out yet. Or how to do any of these kinds of things. Those are all great things. You should talk to your kids about them, but you should talk to them about the instruction of the Lord

because we are to bring them up. And that discipline and instruction. Verbally instructing, correcting when necessary, all with the governor of tenderness and loving kindness towards our kids. Amen. Friends, again, we live in a culture that's in need of a godly home because what we're experiencing right now is not good. What we're experiencing right now is really bad, actually. We live in a society. I read this

in an article the other day. We live in a society that's in need of a godly home because what we're experiencing right now is not good. What we're experiencing right now is really bad, actually. We live in a society right now of young people who are no longer shocked because they've been exposed to everything. The amount of violence, the amount of pornography, the amount of profanity that they have been exposed to

from such an early age has absolutely changed the way that they think. And if we want that to change, if we want to see our generation be one to Christ and see a change, it's going to start with every individual home of believers in Jesus Christ. disciples of their kids. So that they can carry that out to the world around them. Now, this morning is communion Sunday. And so we're going to take time to celebrate communion

together as a family. And so in just a moment, I'll invite the ushers to come in and I'll invite the worship team to come up and we'll partake in communion together. But before we do, I just want to spend a couple of moments talking about the importance of communion. What we do here is a sacred time. It's a special time because it is a declaration of the hope that we have in Jesus

Christ. As always on that last night of the feast, Jesus took that bread and he broke it. He said, this is my body, which is broken for you. Take and eat. He took the cup and he said, this is the cup of the new covenant in my blood. That is shed for you. Take a drink. And we are reminded that as we talk about all of these things that are going on in the world around us and who we need to be, the only way we can be that

is if we belong to Christ. As if we have been washed in the blood of Jesus Christ and have by faith partaken of him so that he becomes a part of who we are. And that's what we declare. That's what we celebrate here this morning. And so we're reminded that as we do this, we are to do so with the right kind of heart. Matter of fact, we're warned in the book of second Corinthians, or excuse me, first Corinthians,

that if we do not do this with the right kind of heart, there can be danger. So what does it look like to partake with the right kind of heart? Well, as always, it starts off with making sure that I belong to Jesus Christ, but that I have actually been washed in the blood of Jesus, that I have come to him by faith and taken him in for myself. Because otherwise this won't do anything for you other than leave you a little bit frustrated. And so if you're here this morning,

accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, then today's the day where you need to say, Lord, I know that I'm a sinner and I need you to be my Savior. Come into my heart and make me your own. He is so faithful because he'll do that. If you're here this morning and you're a believer in Jesus Christ, then partaking in a worthy manner means that you need to make sure that your heart's clean before the Lord. Sinless perfection is never what we'll reach, but we can have perfect

fellowship. And that comes by making sure that our sins, our sins have been confessed before the Lord. And so as the worship team leads us, I would just ask you to take that time, take that time to ask God to search your heart, to see if there's any wicked way in you. And then just start pouring those things out to the Lord, because we're told that if we confess our sins, he's faithful and just to forgive our sins. And then we will partake

together as a family. So I'd like to invite the worship team to come up. And so the ushers are going to come down and they're going to hand it over to the worship team. And they're going to hand it over to the worship team. And they're going to hand it over to the worship team. And they're going to hand out the elements. And there'll be two cups. Bottom cup has the cracker. The top cup has the

juice. And as you receive your elements, if you would please stand, and then we will partake together as a family. Father, we come to you. And Lord, we thank you for your body that was broken for us. Lord, broken because of our sin. Lord, for the stripes that you endured, for the nails that you endured. Lord, for your side being pierced. Lord, we're told that by your stripes,

we are healed. And so Lord, we thank you for your body that was broken. Father, we thank you for your blood that was shed. Lord, the blood that flowed, the blood that flowed from your side, the blood that flowed from your heart, or that blood of Jesus Christ that is enough to cleanse us of all of our sins. Father, we thank you for your blood that you shed for us. And so

Lord, may we ever be mindful of the great sacrifice that you made so that we can be right in your eyes, so that you could restore what sin had destroyed. Father, we thank you and we praise you in Jesus' name. Amen. Let's partake. And would you bow with me one last time? Lord, we come to you and we thank you for your word that's so good to us. And Lord, we just want to

pray that you would be with the homes that are represented in this church today. And Lord, may our homes be a representation of godliness. May we be the mothers and fathers that you've called for us to be. May our kids have the hearts that you want them to have. And may we be an example of what it is to know and love you to the world around us. Father, we pray these things in Jesus' name. Amen. Lord bless. Have a great day.