Kingdom Instructions Pt 3

Morning. Would you all stand? I want to welcome you to the Calvary Chapel this morning here. And those who are joining us online, we welcome you. Would you join me in prayer? Father, we thank you for this opportunity to come together to worship in song, to study your word. Father, we lift up the service today. Father, we lift up the children's church. We lift up the teachers as they'll be teaching the youngsters, that you would just

bless them with the wisdom necessary to teach those youngsters. Give the youngsters listening ears and eyes to see and hearts to perceive what you have for them this morning too, Lord, that they would grow in your grace. We want to lift up the nursery workers as they look after the little ones, Lord, that you would just strengthen them, Lord, and that you would bless them. Give a calmness to the little ones and may they just feel relaxed and in my blessed time. And then as the ushers are busy

doing what they do, Lord, we ask for your blessing on them. And now as we gather here in the sanctuary this morning, corporately to worship you in song and to study your word, would you give us a heart of worship this morning as we come just as we are? We all come with whatever's on our hearts, when we get here. Maybe the dog messed in the floor. Who knows? It might be things that

really cause us to get distracted. But, oh, God, may we just take this time to allow our hearts to focus on you, not to be distracted and drawn back, but to let go and to worship. Make a joyful noise unto you, Lord. Father, we thank you, Lord, so much. In a world that's very confused, confusing at times, we know that you're in control. May we look to you. And treasures that fade,

together as believers. And if there be any among us that go, wow, what are these people doing? And don't know you, we want to encourage you that Jesus loves you this morning. And so as you see chaos about you, there's a God who loves you and behind the scenes is really totally in control. Father, just continue to bless our time as we worship. Amen. What can I say?

Take a moment right now, Lord, to worship the Lord. To send your only Son to die on the cross for us, who raised from the dead and was seen by the living Christ. And then as the boys were with Him there at the mount of Olives, they saw Him as He. And they really looked steadfastly gazing up as He went up into heaven. As He ascended, it's that gaze like watching intently a movie or something at the theater.

And with Him said, man, what are you looking at there? What's up? What's up? That's paraphrase, of course. The same way you saw him go up, he'll return. He's going to return again to this earth. So does it look kind of like, whoa, sometime? Well, this can be a tough time. But he's coming again. So be encouraged in that, Lord. Just be encouraged. We can trust the Lord.

We can trust him. As we look at the economy, look at finances, as we look at groceries and all these things, Lord, oh, you are our provider, Lord. May we remember that. Jesus, how lovely you are to us, Lord. Light of the glory.

Born as a baby. Would you all stand?

Father, as we sing this last song, we just praise you, Lord. And as we prepare to hear your word, oh, just move in hearts this morning, Lord. I lift up the heart that might be sad this morning, Lord, that you would just begin to return joy.

The heart that may be aching because of a concern for a loved one, Lord, you know that, Lord. Strengthen them through this, Lord.

The heart that may be just really experiencing great joy, Lord, encourage them, Lord, in this mountain time experience and strengthen them when the valley does come, because they do come, but you are in control. You can trust you in every area, Lord.

Reach your God.

He is our Lord. Praise the Lord. Just praise the Lord right now. Yeah. Hallelujah. We thank you, Jesus. And so, Father, now as we continue in our service, as we fellowship now, and as Ryan comes up to teach your word, just move by your Holy Spirit, anoint by the power of your Holy Spirit, fill us afresh right now, give us open ears to hear, eyes to see, hearts to perceive that which you have in Jesus' name.

Amen? Amen. Now, let's have some fellowship, y'all.

Good morning.

If you could begin the process of locating your seat,

find your bulletin. We'll get ready to go over some announcements.

So glad you're all here. Man, I got to tell you, if you're a person watching online, you just missed. That was really good. Like, man, there was just something about all God's people just singing together. That was good stuff. So, okay. Things that you need to take note of in your bulletin. Over on the left-hand side, all those things are going on. Lots of spots to get plugged into in the week.

So take note of those. Over in the middle section of your bulletin, a few reminders. August 4th through the 6th is the Pastors and Leaders Conference up at Calvary-Johnson County. Anybody's welcome. And it's a free conference. You just have to provide your own transportation and a place to stay up there. But it's a great time. Come check it out. Also, we have our baptism coming up.

Your bulletin says August the 11th. It should say August the 14th. But when I write these things down for the young lady that does our bulletin for us, she has to decipher the writing of a five-year-old because that's what it looks like when it's written down. I showed the people in the video booth. They're like, is the baptism really August 11th? Like, no.

And I showed them what I wrote down and they're like, yep, saw how she saw 11th there. So anyway, it's August the 14th, 6 to 8.30 at Camp Horizon. It'll be our family swim night, everything. If you have not been baptized before and you would like to, talk to me about that afterwards, please come see me and we'll talk about baptism and what that looks like. So other than that, it's going to be a great time.

Bring a cover dish to share. And it might not hurt to bring a chair with you because in years past, there's not been enough of those. So that's what's going on. And then the next one is kind of a big one that I need y'all to pay attention to here for just one quick second. So things are going to be changing a little bit here in the sanctuary. Starting tomorrow, we will be expanding.

The sanctuary, the back wall will move back about, oh, eight to 10 foot, somewhere in that range. And the video booth and the sound booth will both be over there together. It's going to allow us to put about maybe 50 or so more chairs in the sanctuary, which is a really good thing. But here's the part you really need to pay attention to. Some rooms are being relocated.

So the nursery starting next week will now be where the nursing mother's room is right across the street. So if you have a tiny person that you bring to the nursery, that is going to be right across from the office in the current nursing mother's room. You may think to yourself, well, Ryan, where are the nursing mother's going to go? I'm glad you asked because the nursing mother's room is going to move to where the library is right now because there will be a wall across there.

So super excited. It's going to be about three or four weeks of work. So bear with us as we make some really great changes so that by the time everybody comes back from vacations, yay, there's room. And so I'm pretty excited about what's happening. So be praying that all that goes well. But those are the things that are coming up. So, all right. If you would make sure that your mobile device is silenced.

And for our responsive reading this morning, we are going to be in Psalm 17. Psalm 17. We'll be looking at the New American Standard just so we sound the same for this part. If you need a copy, there should be one in your row. If there's not one in your row, find a friend. And as you're turning to Psalm 17, if you would stand in the honor of the reading of God's word.

I will read the odd verses if you will follow along with Pastor Allen and the even verses. Psalm 17, a prayer of David. Hear a just cause, O Lord. Give heed to my cry. Give ear to my prayer, which is not from deceitful lips. Let my judgment come forth from your presence. Let your eyes look with equity. You have tried my heart. You have visited me by night. You have tested me, and you find nothing.

I have purposed that my mouth will not transgress. As for the deeds of men, by the word of your lips, I have kept from the paths of the violent. My steps have held fast to your paths. My feet have not slipped. I have called upon you, for you will answer me, O God. Incline your ear to me. Hear my speech. Wondrously show your lovingness. O Savior of those who take refuge at your right hand,

from those who rise up against them. Keep me as the apple of the eye. Hide me in the shadow of your wings. From the wicked who despoil me, from my deadly enemies who surround me. They have closed their unfeeling heart. With their mouth they speak proudly. They have now surrounded us in our steps. They set their eyes to cast us down to the ground. He is like a tree.

Like a lion that is eager to tear. And as a young lion lurking in hiding places. Arise, O Lord, confront him. Bring him low. Deliver my soul from the wicked with your sword. From men with your hand, O Lord. From men of the world whose portion is this life. And whose belly you fill with your treasure. They are satisfied with children. And leave their abundance to their babes.

And read verse 15 with me. I shall behold your face in righteousness. I will be satisfied with your likeness when I awake. And Lord, we do long for that day when we awake in your presence. And we see your face in righteousness. Lord, in the meantime, teach us what it is to be men and women of God. Lord, through your word, declare to us exactly what we need to hear this morning.

Lord, where we need conviction. Lord, bring conviction. Lord, where we need comfort. I pray that you would bring conviction. Lord, bring comfort. And where we need instruction, Lord, teach us clearly so that we can know how to walk with you. We thank you and praise you, Father, in Jesus' name. Amen. You may be seated. And if you would, open up in your Bibles to the Gospel of Matthew, chapter 19.

Matthew, chapter 19. The title of this morning's message is Kingdom Instructions, Part 3. Now, I was thinking about this this week as I was studying. Because we deal with a heavy subject this morning. That before we started into these Kingdom Instructions, I should have put out some sort of a disclaimer. This is going to be heavy stuff that we talk about. Because it is.

These are real life issues that we're dealing with. It started with us talking about what it looks like to be the greatest in the Kingdom. And to be the greatest in the Kingdom means humble dependence upon God. That there should be a humility about our lives as we are completely dependent upon Him. But the second thing that we talked about was another heavy issue last.

And that was the issue of forgiveness. That sometimes sin needs confronted in the lives of people. But we as Kingdom Saints can never hold the sins of others against them. Because if we have been forgiven of much, then we should also forgive others of the things that they've done. Well, today's subject is no different. As a matter of fact, I would say of the difficult subjects, this is at the pinnacle of difficult things to deal with.

Because today we deal with marriage and divorce. I would venture to say that... That at any room where I speak to people, as a matter of fact, any room that I'm in, almost everybody in that room has at some point in time or in some way, shape, or form been affected by divorce. Whether it be because it's your parents, whether it be your grandparents, aunts or uncles, friends, or maybe your own marriage.

Divorce has affected just about everybody that I know. And that effect that it has on people can sometimes be very deep. And Jesus has... There's a lot of things to say both about marriage and divorce. And I think the best thing that we can do as Kingdom Saints, as Kingdom citizens, is know exactly what Jesus has to say about it so that we can handle it not only in a way that is based in truth,

but also a way that is based in grace and love. And so as we look at this today, there's three things that we'll see in the first 15 verses of chapter 19. We'll see the test. We'll see the answers. And then we'll see the conclusion. But we'll start off with the test in verse 1. It says, When Jesus had finished these words, he departed from Galilee and came into the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.

And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing him and asking, Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all? Now chapter 19 starts off with a transitionary verse. It transitions us from 18 to 19. And it concludes... As we talked about in 18, it opens up a whole new subject. And this transition includes a location change for Jesus.

We have mentioned that Jesus is nearing the end of his earthly ministry. And he now is going to begin his trip to Jerusalem. If you will, it's his trip to the cross. Because it's not going to be very long that we'll see him make that triumphal entry one week before he is to face the cross. But on his way, he continues the work of the ministry and continues to be tested by the Pharisees.

We're told that he left the region of Galilee, which is where much of his ministry took place. And he departed to the region of Judea, beyond the Jordan. Basically, outside of the region of Jerusalem. And as he went there, I want you to take note of what he was doing. It says that when he came, as always, multitudes of people gathered themselves to him. And what did he do with them?

It says, he healed them. I love that everywhere Jesus went, he was always ministering to people. Everywhere that Jesus went, he always cared about people and was doing everything that he could to reach out to the people that were around him. And while he's in this process of... ...of ministering to people, another kingdom question comes up. Only, it's posed by the Pharisees, and it's posed as a test.

Now, the word test, in the Greek here, can be translated one of two ways. It can be translated as a test, something that you have to pass. Or it can be translated a temptation, something that will lure you into sin. The second is really what the Pharisees are doing with Jesus right now. They are really seeking to tempt him. Because what they would really like to see him do...

...is to step in the proverbial poo in what he says right now, right? They want to see him step in it so that they can then accuse him in some way, shape, or form. And so, the test or the temptation that they pose has to do with one of the hot-button issues of the day. The issue of divorce. Notice what it says. It says, verse 3, Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing him, asking,

...is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all? You may be surprised to know that in the same way that divorce is a little bit of a hot-button issue today, it was back then as well. Back then, in the days that Jesus lived, marriage was held in very high regard. As a matter of fact, a man that was not married by the time he was in his 20s was considered to be living in sin, according to the Jews of that time, because they held marriage in such high regard.

However, they did not hold women in very high regard. And because they did not hold women in very high regard, though they appreciated marriage, they really didn't take care of what was supposed to be taken care of, and that was the woman in the marriage, because marriage began to be disposable. There were two schools of thought at this point in time when it came to divorce. When it came to divorce, they all used the same passage.

As a matter of fact, the passage that they used was Deuteronomy, I think I put it up here, Deuteronomy 24, verse 1. We won't turn there, but let me tell you what it says. In Deuteronomy 24, verse 1, Moses wrote in the law, that if a man finds some form of uncleanness in his wife, that he can write her a certificate of divorce and put her away. So the question is going to be, what is this uncleanness?

Well, there were two schools of thought at this point in time. One was what we would call the more conservative school of thought. The more conservative school of thought said that the uncleanness was some sort of sexual immorality, and that only for the reason of sexual immorality could a husband divorce his wife. However, in the same way, that there is today, there was a more liberal school of thought.

And the more liberal school of thought, which, may I say, was probably also the more popular school of thought, the more liberal school of thought said an uncleanness could be just about anything that your wife did that you didn't approve of. If she didn't speak very well of your mother-in-law, or of your mother, then you could say there's an uncleanness in here because she disrespected your mother, therefore you could put her away. If she wasn't a very good cook, then you could say that's some form of uncleanness, uncleanness. And you can put her away.

Listen, I'm going to need some of you fellas to stop nodding your heads right now. I'm just kidding. That's a joke.

And it went so far as to say, and I'm not making this up, this is actually a rabbinical writing. One of the rabbinical writings of the day went so far as to say, if you find one that looks more fair than your wife, and she is now unclean in your eyes, you can put her away and marry the one who you find to be more fair. Gosh, it almost sounds just like the way we treat marriage today. Isn't it kind of interesting?

I don't know how many times, I have said and I have heard other people say, I wish we could go back to the good old days when we're not dealing with the sins that we deal with today. Listen, I need you to know something. There's no such thing as the good old days. Okay? There's no such thing as sins that we deal with today that they didn't deal with back then.

And the more that we keep saying, gosh, I wish we could go back to, the more we won't deal with the issues that we have in front of us today. In the Proverbs, it says, don't wish for the good old days because they weren't as good as you thought. That's the new living translation of that verse. And so they were dealing with all of these same things at that point in time.

And so they presented Jesus with an amazing question, a question that in their minds is a mic drop sort of a question. He's never going to be able to answer this because if he says, well, I lean more towards the conservative end. First of all, that's going to make him very unpopular with the people of the day. Second of all, it puts him in danger of the same thing happening to him that happened to John the Baptist when he confronted Herod with his divorce.

And then if he goes with the more liberal side, they can say, you don't agree with the law of Moses, therefore you don't agree with God. And they had reason to accuse him. Jesus is in a bit of a pickle, at least as far as the Pharisees were concerned at this point in time. But they, of course, forgot one thing. Jesus wrote the law. It's his. So he pretty well knows what it says.

And so after they present this test to him, I want you to notice how Jesus responds. Verse four, and he answered and said, have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made the male and female. And for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh.

What therefore God has joined together. Let no man separate. They said to him, why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of, of divorce and send her away? He said to them, because of your hardness of heart, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives. But from the beginning, it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality,

it marries another woman commits adultery. First service. I tried to start and end the same way, and I didn't start this way, but I will now. I'm well aware of the fact that I'm not going to divorce my wife. I'm well aware of the fact that this affects so many lives. I'm well aware that the things that Jesus says here are sometimes very difficult for those of us that have made mistakes in the past.

And I want you to know that I'm going to start this way and I'm going to end this way. There is so much grace, forgiveness and restoration in the arms of Jesus for all who have fallen into any sort of sin. And so as we present this truth, I want you to understand that with it, I'm going to present the grace and restoration that Jesus is able to do. I'm going to bring into the lives of those who have not lived up to the standard that's presented here in scripture, but we have to take the truth and then we can bring the grace.

So Jesus presents this and he does exactly what he should do. And may I say exactly what we all should do when we're faced with a question of opinion is we should strip it of the opinion and take it back to what scripture has to say. I don't know how many times I could have saved myself an entirely long argument. If I quit giving my opinion, of what the right thing to do is.

And I started just saying, but this is what scripture says the right thing to do is because scripture is completely and totally full of power because God's name is behind it. And that's exactly what Jesus does. Jesus starts off with a great question. Have you not read? Well, of course they've read. These are Pharisees, right? This is the conservative wing of the religious party of the time.

All they did was read scripture. They memorize scripture. They studied scripture. And yet in all of their, their studying, they still miss the truth. And so Jesus says, have you not read? And then he gives them a series of statements. The first statement that he gives that I want to unpack is, have you not read that in the beginning he created them male and female?

I'll deal with one of the reasons why that's important in just a moment, but let's just deal with the statement in general right now. In general, what Jesus said is, don't you remember that in the beginning God created them? Right? And why, why is that a big deal? Because if I am God's creation, then he has the right to make the rules for my life and he has the right to make the rules for how I live my life because I am his creation.

And so in order for me to truly understand God's desire for marriage, I must first understand that in the beginning he created me and he created all of us male and female. The second statement that I would like to point out to you is this. He says, verse five, and for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother. Now this of course is a statement that comes directly out of the book of Genesis.

We remember that very first marriage ceremony, right? God had created Adam and he put him in the garden, the perfect place possible. And when he put him in the garden, he gave him two jobs, tend the garden, name the animals. The only problem was Adam didn't have a buddy, right? Right? We all need a buddy and Adam didn't have one. And so he's naming the animals and as he's naming them,

there's male and there's female and Adam's looking, he's going, everybody's got a buddy except me and Jesus looked and he said, everybody's got a buddy except Adam. It's not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper that is suitable for him. And so what he did is he put Adam into a really deep sleep and he took of that rib and from that rib he fashioned a woman.

And he brought her to Adam. There is so much I can unpack of this entire thing and I just don't have time to get to all of it. So I'm gonna get to what I can. He brought her to Adam and Adam looked and he said, I will call her woman because she came from man. This is now flesh of my flesh and bone of my bones. And that's when this next statement is given. Therefore,

the principle of marriage, a man shall leave his father and mother as the first principle of marriage. That word leave is really interesting. That word leave means to forsake or to leave behind. And I believe that there is a direct context and I believe that there is a broader cultural context to us today. The direct context that's given to us here is according to the Jewish culture,

a man would live in his father's household until he took a wife for himself. And at that point in time he would establish himself and no longer be under the protection of his father's household. He would no longer be under the authority of protection of his father's household. And that was an important thing. He had to leave that protection. He had to leave that authority so that he could become a family of his own.

And may I say, brothers and sisters, one of the first things that has to take place of a marriage is to work is there must be that leaving behind of the family life that you came from. Your relationship with your parents has to be different. Some of you are saying, Ryan, that's the most logical thing I can imagine. You would not believe how many marriages are destroyed because mom and dad were never left behind.

Because the authority and the protection of mom and dad's house was not left. And instead of a woman coming to her husband for protection, for advice, as a confidant, she still has her parents as that. Instead of a man coming to his wife as his confidant and his comfort in a time of need, he still has his family. And that family bond is so strong that he won't break it in order to form a new family with his wife.

And when that happens, there is always damage to a marriage. You have to leave. You have to leave behind that family relationship because you're starting something brand new. That's the direct context of what's being said. But may I say in the world that we live in today, a lot of people live on their own before they ever get married. And so I think to a greater degree,

the context that's given to us here is you have to leave the single life behind. Brothers and sisters, if a marriage is to work, you cannot pretend like you're still single. That means everything about your life needs to change. I don't know. How many times I hear guys say that they spend all of their time with their friends and they never spend any time with their wife and they can't figure out why their marriage isn't working.

You have to spend more time with your wife than you are with all of your friends. It means that all of those past relationships, they can't be a part of you any longer. And if you're still on some sort of a social media platform, still contacting former people that you have dated, then you need to stop because that's not leaving. You're single life behind. You can't act like you're single and have the benefits of being married.

All of those things need to be put behind you. And so he says, you must leave for this reason. A man shall leave his father and mother. And the next word is really interesting. It says, and he shall be joined to his wife. That word joined means to adhere to like glue. If you will, the two of you are now stuck together. Now, there's two different ways you could take that phrase.

You could be like, like glue, we're stuck together. Or you could be like, we are stuck together. Hopefully it's the first one and not the second one. But as long as the second one could eventually lead us back to the first one, that's the important thing. But that's the idea that's created when we get married is you are now adhered to each other like glue because you have been joined together.

That's now your person in life. One of the cheesiest things I ever, saw in pop culture was when Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got together. Do you remember what they called them? Brangelina, right? Cheesiest thing I've ever heard in my life. I rolled my eyes every time I heard it. And then there's, there's been other stars that they've done the same thing with.

And I'm like, it's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. And it's almost like one time the Lord was like, but that's kind of what happens, right? Because you now are joined together. There's a fellow that used to live at the retirement community that I, was a groundskeeper at, and I've shared stories about him before. His name was Truman Page, wonderful man of God.

And I learned a lot from him. He was a, a professor of Old Testament survey at Calvary Bible College and Theological Seminary before he retired. And all the guys that knew him and knew me said, you need to go talk to that guy because you guys, you like all the same stuff. So I'd go talk to him and he'd share things with me. And when I got married, I remember he brought me this piece of paper that said,

from the desk of Truman, Truman Page. And it was Truman Page's top 10 rules for a happy marriage. Unfortunately, over some moves over the years, I have lost the piece of paper. However, there are two of those rules. I remember as if they have been plastered on my brain. The first rule that I remember is this, never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.

And I remember when he read that rule to me, he was like, I was married to a redhead. So that was a hard one to keep. Oh, that was funny stuff. Anyway, so, but that's not the rule I want to point out to you. The rule that I always point out to couples that I'm working with that always has stuck with me is this. If you ever have the option of spending time with your friends

or spending time with your wife, always choose your wife. Because now you're stuck together. Because you have adhered to each other. Not that you can't ever have time where you go spend time with your friends. I think that's important too. But that should be the point. You're the person that you want to do everything with. Why? Because it brings us to the next phrase.

And the two shall become one flesh. They are no longer two, but one. Brothers and sisters, I'm going to share with you just a little bit about my own marriage. My wife is my absolute best friend. Matter of fact, I don't ever want to do anything with anybody else besides her. Every now and then we have to invite other people to do things too. And that's okay.

But I want to spend my time with her. Right? We go everywhere together. We do everything together. Because she's the one that I'm joined to. I'm one with her now. And we even kind of think alike. What's amazing is that when something... Anyway, when things happen, I can look at her and go... And she's like, we know exactly what the other one's thinking because we've spent so much time together.

Somebody asked me one time, I finished up premarital counseling with a couple. And so when we finished up, we said, okay, well, what kind of questions do you have for us? And they kind of looked at each other and they looked at us and they said, everybody says the first year is the hardest. Is that true? I said, for some people it is. For us, it was not. For us, the first year was like,

I get to have a slumber party with my best friend all the time. Right? Like it was just, it was great. I loved it. Anyway, I'll leave all that there. Anyway, but I did say, but we did have a year where there was a major adjustment. It was the year that my daughter was born. Because the year that my daughter was born, my oldest daughter, we had to learn that our lives

couldn't just be the two of us together. We just invited a third person in and now we had to split our time with each other, with her. We eventually learned how to do that. That was when we started going on drives. We still go on drives all the time. And one time my daughter said, why do you guys do this all the time? I'm like, because of you. What do you mean?

You didn't sleep. And so when we wanted you to sleep and we could actually have a conversation, we put you in your car seat in the back of the car. We drove through Starbucks and we would drive all over Kansas City so that we could talk to each other without somebody screaming in the background. That was the hardest year that we had because we had to learn to split our time.

And we eventually learned. But the two of us are together now. We're no longer two individual entities. We're together. That means that our dreams need to align. Our goals need to align. And if they don't, one of us is going to have to make a sacrifice. We're going to have to decide, well, who's going to have to die to themselves? And sometimes it's me and sometimes it's her,

but that's marriage. I don't know how many times I hear people say, well, my dream's leading me to California. Well, my dream's leading me to New York. Maybe our dreams are going two different ways. Yeah, you know why? Because you won't die to yourself. That's marriage. The best definition I've ever heard of marriage is this. Two imperfect people committed to each other for life.

It's a learning process. And Jesus said, the two shall become one flesh because there were two of you, now you're one. And then notice what Jesus says. In verse six, what therefore God has joined together, let no man separate. Now, from this, there are five lessons. Before we move on, there's five things that I've drawn from this little section, this little command that Jesus gave about marriage

where he went back to the Old Testament. Five lessons that I think are important for us to pay attention to. Number one, there are only two genders. Listen, it's right there in scripture. What does it say? That from the beginning, God created them male, male and female. I looked it up in the Greek and you know what those words mean in the Greek? Male and female, right?

Mind blown. The World Health Organization this last week came out with their idea that we really don't need to be bound to those antiquated ideas of male and female. There's a lot wider variety that we can choose from. And you can choose your pronouns based on that. Now, lest we become those who mock and end up being angry with those caught up in that lifestyle,

I need us to understand something. Those that are caught up in the lifestyle of transgenderism, they have still been created in the image of God. They are still individuals that Jesus came and died for. And he still loves them as much as he loves you and me. Their sin looks no worse than your sin. Than you and I. And there's an entire generation of people out there

that have fallen into this type of lifestyle. And we need to know something. Eventually, even though it's very popularized by culture right now, if Jesus tarries, eventually they're going to come to a place where they realize they still haven't found their identity even in that. And they're still going to be lost. And they're still going to be broken. And listen, if we as the church have only been condemning

and mocking them all of these years, they're not going to hear our message of the gospel of Jesus. Christ. But if they know that we care about them, if those caught up in that lifestyle know that we are there for them, no matter what, even though I disagree with your lifestyle, I still believe you're created in the image of God. And I still care about who you are as a person.

And you know what? When they come to the end of themselves and listen, that's what happens with sin. They'll come to the end of themselves. Maybe they'll be willing to hear what you have to say about the gospel of Jesus Christ. So as I make that point, I don't make that point in a mocking way or in a condemning way. I make it in a way of truth so that through that truth,

we can then bring grace. Amen. Number two, marriage is God's institution. Did you notice who instituted this? That God brought the woman to the man and said, now this is the command for what it looks like. It's God's institution. It's meant to glorify God. It's meant to display the truth of who God is to the culture. It's meant to raise godly kids. It's God's institution.

That means that God can make the rules about it. Just like the fact that he made me and he can make the rules for my life. Marriage is God's institution. Number three, marriage is intended to be between one man and one woman. That exes out things like polygamy. That exes out homosexual marriage. That exes all that stuff out. Because what God has intended is one man and one woman.

And I know these are things that are going to get me in trouble. And I know that these are things that aren't very popular in the world today. And I know that when Ian goes to make the radio program, he's going to say, Ryan, do you want this part included on there? And I'm going to say, yes, Ian, just know right now I do. I want it included on there. Because I've already made enough bold statements

that have gotten me in trouble anyway. Why not just keep going with what the truth of God's word says? Because whether we want to admit it or not, Jesus was facing some of the same issues at this point in time that we're facing today. And too many people say, well, Jesus never really addressed same-sex marriage. Pretty sure he did right there. Because he just defined marriage.

He just told us what it looks like. And again, we can't be mocking and condemning. We need to be loving and caring, willing to present the truth to the people that are around us because of our desire to see them right with their Savior. Number four, marriage means commitment. Marriage means commitment. This is the hard part of marriage, is it not? Is that marriage means I'm committed to you for life.

And we'll deal with that part of for life here in just a minute, but it's a commitment. There are some days in marriage that are sunshine, roses, butterflies fluttering slowly down and landing gently on a flower. And then there are some days where marriage is a war, right? Because that's life. That's marriage. The important thing that we know is that no matter what happens,

I'm committed to being with you in sickness and in health, for better or for worse. That I'm committed to being with you. A year or two ago, my wife and I got into the only argument we've ever had in our entire married life together. It was shocking. I've never seen anything like it. First service didn't laugh. I'm like, that's a joke, okay? We're both hard-headed human beings.

We argue with each other sometimes. And we've never been one to just completely hide things from our daughters. We just live life. We live life in front of the teenagers that we worked with in youth group for years. We live life in front of our kids. One time, one of my daughters said, are you guys going to get a divorce now? Because they saw us get into an argument.

And we said, sweetie, we're never getting a divorce because we've committed to be with each other for life. These are arguments. This is life. You go through it. We're going to disagree sometimes because though we have become one flesh, we still have two completely different ways of thinking. But we're going to work it out. And we're going to be together for life because we promised God that's what we'd do.

And that's commitment. Brothers and sisters, that's a whole lot of what's missing in our culture today. Commitment's missing in our culture today in every way possible, but especially in the way of marriage because once it gets hard, we just say, whew, I think I'm going to back away now and just be done. But Jesus is looking for hearts that are committed to each other.

Why? Because we are reflecting the covenant commitment he made to us. Number five, marriage is for life. Marriage is for life. That's the whole in sickness and in health thing. God intends it to be for the rest of our lives. Anytime I do a funeral for people, I sit down with them, especially if I've never met the person before and I say, paint the picture for me.

Tell me about your loved ones so that I can do the best that I can to honor their memory. And inevitably, I sit with a spouse who responds in one of two ways. Either one, they can't say a thing because their heart is too broken over the fact that they have lived their life with this person and they always say the same thing. I don't know what I'm even going to do now.

They were who I did everything with. The other way that they react is they will talk my ear off for the next hour and a half about everything that they know. They will talk my ear off for the next hour and a half about everything that they know. They will talk my ear off for the next hour and a half about everything that they know. They will talk my ear off for the next hour and a half about everything that they know about their loved one

because they have lived their life together. And they share with me the ups and the downs and the struggles and the memories and the tears and the laughter, all of it. Why? Because marriage is for life. And when a life has been well lived with a spouse, those are the two reactions that you get. Because that's what marriage is intended to be. It's an up and down journey that God intends to be for the rest of our life.

It's an unconditional commitment. Of two imperfect people for life. So as Jesus answers this question, by defining marriage, the Pharisees still have one more addendum. It's their gotcha question. Verse seven, it says this. And they said to him, why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away? Oh, he may have defined marriage.

But what are you going to do with what Moses said in Deuteronomy? Deuteronomy chapter 24, verse one. Moses commanded to give a certificate of divorce and then just send her away. Why did he do that? Mic drop, done. Got him on that one. High fives all around. Pharisaical high fives. Right? All over the place. Jesus sits back. He defines exactly what Moses intended.

Notice what he says. Because of your hardness of heart, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives. Two words. I'd like to point out to you there. Two phrases I'd like to point out. The first one is the word permitted. You notice the difference of the words that were used there? What did the Pharisees say? Why did he command us to give her a certificate of divorce?

What does Jesus respond with? This is why Moses permitted you to give her a certificate of divorce. You see, God's will can be defined in two ways. There is his perfect will. And there is his. Permissive will. And this permissive will of divorce is not God's perfect will. But there is a time where it is permitted. But the second phrase that I'll point out to you is this.

Why is it permitted? Because of the hardness of your heart. Let me put it to you like this. Divorce is the conclusion of a relationship that has fallen into unrepentant. Sin. Divorce is the conclusion of a relationship that's fallen into unrepentant sin. And that unrepentant sin can take place on the part of the offender. And that unrepentant sin can take place on part of the offended.

Party A commits an egregious sin. They had the affair. They were abusive. They gambled away all of the money. They drank away all of the money. They took away all of the money. Whatever it was. An egregious thing took place by party A. And they refused to repent of it. And no matter how much counseling has been done. No matter how much attempts have been made.

There is unrepentant sin. And that unrepentant sin has led to a final conclusion of saying. I just can't go on like this. Because I can't have you live in this unrepentant sin. And me be in this place. That's one aspect. But you know. There's also. A problem on the part of the offended party as well. Party B is sinned against by party A. Party A repents. Party B refuses to forgive.

The bitterness has built up. The anger has built up. The unforgiveness has built up. And no matter how much party A has done to prove that they are repentant. That they have let it go. That they have done everything that they can to earn trust back. Party B will have no part of it. And they refuse to forgive. It happens. I've seen it happen on both of these ends.

And that's when it ends in divorce. Because of the hardness of heart. Because of unrepentant sin. Jesus goes on to say. But from the beginning it has not been this way. He said. But this is not God's perfect plan. This is not what God truly intended. And then Jesus goes on to give a command about divorce. Notice what he says. Verse 9. And I say to you. Whoever divorces his wife except for immorality and marries another woman commits adultery.

I'd like to read that to you and take out the exceptionary clause there. And I say to you. Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery. What Jesus just said there. Was a heavy, heavy thing. And you know how I know how heavy it was? Because I see the looks on all of your faces right now. Because that's a heavy statement for Jesus to make.

And that would have hung in the air with the Pharisees as well as the disciples. Matter of fact so much so that we're going to see how the disciples respond to it in just a minute. It just hung there in the air. Why does Jesus make that statement? Because he wants marriage to be taken that seriously. Because marriage is supposed to be a commitment between two people for life.

No man should try to tear it apart. No man should try to divide it. And we should stop looking for excuses to try to divide it. Jesus did say. But there is one exception for divorce and remarriage. And the exception for divorces and remarriage is the exception of sexual immorality. The word is pornea. Obviously we get our English word pornography from it. But it's a wide scope of sexual sin.

That's committed by the other part. Why does Jesus have that as the one exception? And why is there not to be remarriage except for that exception? Because if you have made a commitment before God. And that's what marriage is. It's a commitment before God. A commitment before God to an individual for life. Then in God's eyes you're always married. You may sign a piece of paper.

A judge may say differently. The state of Kansas may recognize differently. But in God's eyes you're married. The only thing that will break that bond of marriage is that act of sexual immorality. Often times when there is a divorce. Usually the party that's in the wrong. And I hate to be that way. But often times the party that's in the wrong ends up either having the affair.

Or marrying someone else. And at that point in time the marriage in God's eyes is dissolved. And there is freedom to go and remarry. But Jesus says it this way because he wants us to take marriage and divorce so seriously. Now I'm well aware of the fact that some questions come up about this. Because they did in my own mind. As a matter of fact I can't even really answer all of the questions that have come up in my own mind.

So I'm just going to answer the three that I think are most important for me to pay attention to. Because basically what he just told us there. Is there's really only one good biblical reason for divorce. And that's sexual immorality. Paul will add on to that in the book of 1 Corinthians. That if an unbelieving spouse. If two people are married. One of them gets saved.

And the unbelieving spouse says. Dude you're nuts. I can't live with you anymore. You're free to let them go. And you're under no bondage as far as the law is concerned. Because it was an unbelieving spouse that left. Other than that. There's not a lot of reason for divorce. So I want to ask these three questions that came up in my own mind. And hopefully they speak for you too.

Number one. What about the case of an abusive relationship? This one's kind of plagued me this week. Because I'm well aware of the fact that there are women. Who live. In relationships. Where they have become their husbands punching bag. I'm well aware of the fact that there are women who live in relationships. Where their husband may not physically beat them.

But emotionally he has damaged them. Verbally he has abused them. I do not believe that God would have a marriage continue. In which a husband is acting that way towards his wife. And may I say. Because we've all seen this. Come to light here recently. God would not have a husband live in a situation. Where a wife is being abusive to him either. Either verbally.

Or physically. Now that's how I've always felt about this. Based on scripture. But I've had a hard time putting it into good scriptural bonds. And I'm going Lord. I don't want to just justify something. Because it's how I feel. I want to be able to justify it. According to what scripture has to say. So I did a lot of reading on this this week. And then finally last night.

As I was praying about it. And reading about it. I came across a commentary by a guy named R Kent Hughes. Very conservative in his theology. He was talking about this. And he says. I think sometimes we as Christians can become pharisaical. About the way that we view this verse. And a woman's being abused. And we as pharisaical Christians say. But you can't divorce him.

Because there's been no sexual immorality that have taken place. He said. I want you to remember what Jesus said. What Jesus said to the Pharisees. He says. You are ignoring the weightier matters of the law. Like justice and mercy. And he said. I believe at that point in time. Justice and mercy prevail over the law. You're free to go. Now I want to include something here.

I believe that in these instances. The way that you start in an abusive relationship. Is first of all by confiding in somebody else about what's going on. Because you should not deal with that alone. Second of all. There should probably be some period of time of separation. Whether that's a legal separation. Or you say. You know what? The two of us cannot dwell in the same house together.

We both have to get our heads on straight. We both have to get our crap together. And then we've got to figure out how we're going to make this thing work. And we're probably going to have to bring somebody else in. I believe that there are steps that can be taken before you get to divorce. But if you're taking those steps. And it's still not working. And there is still fear.

For your well-being. Or for your physical or mental well-being. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. I've never once counseled a couple to get a divorce. But at that point in time I would say. It's time to do what you have to do to protect yourself and your family. To protect yourself and your kids.

And I would add on to this. What about someone who's caught up in substance abuse? I think you'd go through some of those same steps. You bring other people in. on the subject. You bring somebody else in who knows what's going on, somebody that can be an arbitrator, somebody who can help counsel. If you're willing to stick it out, I think you should stick it out, but if they are draining your bank account, if they are draining your credit, if

they're causing you so many issues, then eventually you have to protect yourself and your family because I don't believe that God would have you live in a situation with someone that is unfaithful like that. Now, I want to add an addendum in here to this. Just because some of these are reasons to get a divorce, it doesn't mean that you have to because sometimes God wants to bring healing to a relationship. Sometimes God wants to bring healing to a life. I've heard people say, well,

he looked at pornography. That's adultery of the heart. I have biblical grounds to get a divorce. You may be right, but why don't you give it a chance? Why don't you give it a chance to see if God will bring healing to your relationship? She had an affair. It was a one-night fling, but you know what? The Bible says that I now have the right to divorce her. We're done. I mean, maybe. Maybe that is the next step that needs to be taken,

but have you read the book of Hosea? God's really, really good at bringing restoration to things. It's not easy, and it's not fun, but quite frankly, a lot of the work of restoration isn't very fun, but it is really important. The second question, am I living in a perpetual state of sin? What do you mean, Ryan? I'm well aware of the fact that any group of people that I talk to, somebody's

probably done it the wrong way. Maybe you're here this morning, and you ended one marriage in a very unbiblical sort of way and went and married somebody else, and now you're living in that marriage with them, and you find yourself going, so does this mean I'm living in a perpetual state of adultery? No. You do need to acknowledge the wrong done, and that may even mean going back and apologizing to an ex-wife or an ex-husband and saying, I was wrong in the way that I handled this. I was wrong in this divorce,

and I was wrong to move on the way that I did, and I'm asking for your forgiveness. They may not like it very much, but that may be an important thing for you to do. It may be important that you acknowledge that to your current spouse, but God is so gracious that He is able to heal and restore, and once you've confessed your sin to Him, He casts it as far as the east is from the west, because His blood is enough to cover all of our sin, and that brings me to the third question, and I've had people ask me this before. Is divorce the unforgivable sin? Absolutely not.

Absolutely not. God works in ways that we can't even imagine, because God is a God of restoration, and God takes broken situations, and He takes broken people, and He restores them to something beautiful, and He does something beautiful with their lives. Divorce is not the unforgivable sin, and it's not the stamp that says, God can never use me again. I've been set on the shelf because of this divorce. Absolutely not. God uses all of those things, and it's not the stamp that says,

as a part of your testimony. God uses all of those things in the way He's shaping you to use you in the lives of other people. Well, this discussion on marriage and divorce caused the disciples to realize just how serious it was, and I want you to notice in this conclusion how they respond to Jesus. It says, the disciples said to Him, if the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.

He said to them, not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men. There are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who was able to accept this, let him accept it. His disciples

come to Him, and they're like, whoa, if that's how intense marriage is, if that's how strong the commitment's supposed to be, maybe it's better if I just don't marry. Right? That's a really hard commitment that you have to make right there. But you know what? The disciples are finally thinking clearly. I wish I could get more young people to think this way before they start dating someone, to think this way before they decide they're going to marry

someone. Because if you would think this seriously about it ahead of time, then I would have to do a lot less counseling on the other side. Because you have to realize this is an intense commitment that you're making. You'd better count up the cost for it before you make it. Make that commitment. J. Vernon McGee always had a great thing that he said. He'd always say,

now, now, friend. That's the best J. Vernon I can do. Anyway, he said, the problem is that too many people get married without being ready first. That's the great sin. And then they compound that sin by then divorcing somebody else. The very first wedding that I ever did, where I did all the stuff. I did all the preparation. I did all the premarital counseling,

everything. I was young. I didn't know, come here from Sycam. I didn't know that at the time, but I didn't. There were a lot of people around us at that point in time that were getting divorces. So I kept talking to this couple and saying, now, divorce isn't an option for you, right? Almost ad nauseum. No, no, no, no. Never. And so did the wedding. Got a little card from them.

I used to always read this card to couples that I was doing premarital counseling with. I've since lost the card, but it's pretty well memorized in my mind. The card said this, dear Ryan, thanks for all that stupid homework you made us do. It really did help. And we really did appreciate it. Thanks for all the work you put into our relationship. I promise you,

if this is the only wedding that you'll ever do, you'll be batting a thousand because I'll never divorce him. He'll have to kill me first. Love, so-and-so. I always read that card to couples in our very first counseling session. And then I close the card and I set it on my desk and I say, they're divorced now. And I'm well aware of the fact that that's on my record.

I'm well aware of the fact that whether I should or not, I take responsibility for that. And marriage needs to be gone into with that sort of a sobering understanding. And then I tell couples, listen, what we're going to do here is fun. We're going to have fun together. We're going to laugh a lot. We're going to tell stories and it's going to be great. But I take this

seriously because this is a commitment that you'll make before you get married. And I take this seriously. For God. And so you'd better know what you're getting into before you do it. So it causes his disciples to ask that question. Maybe it's better not to marry. And Jesus is like, that's not for everybody. Right? Some people make that choice. Some people have that choice made for them. We

don't really live in that culture anymore. And some people decide that they want to stay focused on Jesus, but that's not for everybody. Live as you're called. If you're here this morning and you're single, enjoy being single. Okay? Serve God in that completely uncommitted to anybody else or anything else sort of way. Because when you're single, you're not going to be single. You're not

single. You don't have to think about whether or not you're, you can afford to take your kids to Hawaii to do ministry, right? You don't have to think about whether or not your kids will be able to have some place to do ministry. If you're in Jamaica or Africa, you name it, right? Djibouti. I just wanted to say that because it's a fun word. Anyway, you don't have to think about all that.

Why? Because you're completely uncommitted in any way, shape or form. Enjoy being single and don't view it as something that you need delivered from. View it as your place where you're serving God. Now, if you're here this morning and you're married, then view your marriage as your first ministry. And you together are in ministry in your family and in your church. He says, live as you're called because not everybody's called to that.

And then we close out this section with a really interesting little story. It says, then, in other words, in the process of all this taking place, some children were brought to him, meaning Jesus, verse 13, so that he may lay his hands on them and pray. And the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, let the little children alone and do not hinder them from coming to me. For the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these. And after laying his

hands on them, he departed from there. Now, as Jesus has just had this whole discussion on divorce and marriage, and then talk to his disciples about divorce and marriage, in the process, multitudes are still there because what's he been doing? Healing people. And who's brought to him? A bunch of kids. Jesus, we pray for my kid. We just lay your hand on him

and bless him. And Jesus continues this work of ministry. What do the disciples do? We don't have time for this, Jesus. There's theological debates. There are things to be done. There's real needs to be faced. And Jesus says, don't rebuke them. Let the little children come to me. Why? Because of such is the kingdom of heaven. Now, you may find yourself going, Ryan, why on earth did we just end

a message on marriage and divorce talking about kids? Because I think we just ended this section the same way that we started chapter 18. Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven? He who is humbly dependent upon the Lord. What's really important in the kingdom of heaven? The subject of marriage. How can I live with a marriage? How can I live up to the standard of marriage that God has laid out for me?

By being childlike, humble, dependence upon the Father. The standard that Jesus just laid out for us of a lifelong commitment to another sinner whose sin is as bad as mine. The only way I can live up to that standard is if I live in a place of humble dependence upon my Savior, because I don't have any strength in myself to do it. Amen? Let's all stand. Heavy subjects to be addressed, but necessary to be so. Just a reminder, next week,

things may look a little bit different. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be different in here. It may look mildly chaotic, but we'll still do what we do every Sunday morning, and it'll be fun. Would you bow your heads with me? Father, we come before you, and Lord, I thank you for the time that we've had in your word, and I thank you for how good you are

to us. Lord, I pray that your word would continue its work in our hearts and in our lives. Father, may only the things of you remain. May the things of me drift away and be forgotten. We just thank you, Father, in Jesus' name. Amen. Be blessed. Oh, God. Thank you, Jesus. Lord, bless all y'all.