Godly Relationships

you for this opportunity, Father, to connect us with your might, Lord, encourage us each in our walk, we need your, your blessing, your strength, and so we know that we can trust you in all,

and in your son Jesus, realize who he was at first, and oh my, he had shared all that stuff, that place, and they break that bread off, and they're, oh, that's the Lord, and they're just moved, you see, because you're so good, we love you, we praise you, and Father, we, we love you based on my faith, and it's, it's not a faith, blind faith, our objective is a message, faith comes by hearing, and hearing our hearts, Lord, that we can trust you, and so, Father, we just, we know that blessed are the poor in spirit, oh, that just reflects, that's just a statement concerning just how depraved we really are, we are nothing without you, may we remember that, but may we be thankful, and just blessed, that you're working in us,

both to live and do a good pleasure, we give you praise, separate, left behind, heaven, for the first time, you have sinned, and we're reminded of that, reminded of that acronym for grace, God's riches at Christ's expense, amen, amen, let's have some fellowship. Welcome to Calvary Chapel, I'm glad that you've joined us this morning, a handful of things to take note of in the bulletin, as always, the things going on on the left-hand side, but in the middle section of your bulletin, a reminder that tonight we have a baptism, and I am believing that the skies are going to clear for, who would have guessed that we'd be like, hey, I wish the skies would clear, and it would warm up, so that we could have a baptism, I, that may be the first time in,

all of life, that I've ever worn a sweatshirt in August, in Kansas, that was the, like, man, 44 years, and God's like, now's when I'm going to surprise you, so, it is what it is, so that's tonight, 5.30 p.m., we'll have a potluck at the park, at Paris Park, and then at seven, we'll walk over to the pool, and we'll do a baptism, and if you're feeling frisky, you can swim afterwards, my guess is anybody over the age of, like, 18 won't be in the pool, and the rest of us will sit there, and watch them, and go, hey, all right, there they go, that's great, give me a towel, men, we have a breakfast coming up on the 24th, that's a week later than we usually do it, but it was the way that it had to work out, so, the 24th, we'll do

a men's breakfast, and then there is, over the past couple of years, they've been doing, or maybe a year or so, they've been doing a grief share group every so often, and a new one of those is beginning on the 10th of September, grief share, if you're not familiar with it, it's just, I think it's a 12-week program that they go through, just dealing with the aspects of loss, if you have lost somebody that you care about, and are still working through the process of that, I would really encourage you to get involved, Holly Gage and Tammy Trimble have been leading that, and they're doing a great job with it, and all the info is right down there, and you even sign up online to be a part of it, and

they'll have a man, and they'll have a man, and they'll have a man, and they'll have a man, and it's a good time, so those are the things that are going on that I can think of, that I'm aware of, if you would, make sure that your mobile device is silenced, and for our responsive reading this morning, we are going to be in Psalm 11, Psalm 11, looking at the New American Standard for this part, so we sound the same, if you need a copy, should be one in a row around you, and as you are turning to Psalm 11, if you are able, please stand in the honor of the reading of God's word. I will read the odd verses if you will follow along with Pastor Allen and the even verses. Psalm 11, for the choir director, a psalm of David. In the Lord I take refuge.

How can you say to my soul, flee as a bird to your mountain? Behold, the wicked bend the bow. They make ready their arrow upon the string to shoot in darkness at the upright in heart. If the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do? The Lord is in his holy temple. The Lord's throne is in heaven. His eyes behold. His eyelids test the sons of men.

The Lord tests the righteous and the wicked, and the one who loves violence his soul hates. Upon the wicked he will rain snares. Fire and brimstone and burning wind will be the portion of their cup. Read verse 7 with me. For the Lord is righteous. He loves righteousness. The upright will behold his face. And Father, we do find our refuge in you. And I find so much peace in knowing that the Lord is in his holy temple.

And as it says elsewhere in scripture, so will all the earth be silent. Lord, we know that you're in control and that you are our true place of refuge. And so help us to rest in you today. And Father, as we spend time in your word today, Lord, learning exactly, what it is that you want for us, learning how to become the men and women of God that you've created for us to be.

I pray that you would open up the eyes of our hearts to take in what your word has to say, and that by the power of your Holy Spirit, you administer your word in the way that each heart needs it here this morning. In Jesus' name, amen. You may be seated. If you would open up to the book of Colossians chapter 3. Colossians chapter 3. We'll be looking at verses 18.

Through the beginning of chapter 4. As we come to the next section in Colossians, it could almost be added on to the part about seek those things that are above, but I gave it its own title because what he's going to deal with today are godly relationships. So we talked about this a little bit last week, that the gospel is such an all-encompassing work in our life. It does such an all-encompassing work in our life.

It not only redeems us in our relationship with the Lord, but it ultimately redeems us in our relationship with each other. And God's word is so faithful to teach us how to live in those relationships. Actually, one of the greatest witnesses that we have as believers in Jesus Christ is conducting ourselves in a godly way in the relationships that we have. And what Paul will do today is address three of those relationships, really three of the most important relationships that we have in our lives as human beings while we walk on this earth.

He's going to deal with the relationship of husband and wife. He's going to deal with the relationship of parent and child. And he's going to deal with the relationship of employer and employee. Would you agree that those are some of the ones that we encounter the most often in our lives? And so we pick up in chapter 3, verse 18, and I would like to just read through the entire section and then go back and

break those down. It says this, wives, be subject to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not exasperate your children so that they will not lose heart. Slaves, in all things, obey those who are your masters on

earth, not with external service as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do. Do your work heartily as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve. For he who does wrong will receive the consequences of the

wrong which he has done, and that without partiality. Masters, grant to your slaves justice and fairness, knowing that you too have a master in heaven. So three types of relationships. The first one he deals with is the relationship of husbands and wives. And of course, he will address each because there is a role that each is to play. I will remind us, I won't spend a great deal of time on this this

morning because last year I did a whole series on marriage, and if you did not get to listen to that series, I would encourage you to go back to our website. I believe it was October of last year that we went through a three-part series on marriage. I would encourage you to go back and listen to that. But marriage is God's idea. It was the very first foundational institution that he

gave to us. God is very clear on what marriage is supposed to be. The marriage is defined as a permanent covenant between one man and one woman for life. It's what God has intended. It's what God calls marriage. Anything else that attempts to create a union apart from what the Bible says, I need us to know, is not actually a marriage. God does not view it as a marriage, and it is not honored

as a marriage. Because that is what God has intended. That's what we learn in Scripture. It was to be the foundation upon which all of society was to be built. And so as Paul knew that, and as God knew that, giving these lessons are important for us. And so he addresses first the wives because he knew that the wives were probably listening. And it would take a moment for the husbands to clue in.

He says, wives, be subject to your husbands. Speaking of things that aren't popular to say today, if you don't believe me, just ask Harrison. Who, by the way, is now the highest paid kicker in the NFL. Amen? So I just, I love that. Wives, be subject to your husbands. Now, before we get to what this means, I want to first of all say what this does not mean. Because this aspect of being subject, or perhaps in your

translation it says to submit yourselves to your husbands, that word has become a very dirty word in our culture. And men, I just need us to know, it's our fault. Don't get me wrong. Women have a little bit to blame when it comes to that, too. Because the desire to rule over the husband is a consequence of the fall. When Adam and Eve sinned, God told Eve, your desire will be for

your husband. And that doesn't mean that she'll think he's really hot. Because that word desire is used later in scripture when it talks about sin desiring to rule over Esau. That's, or excuse me, Cain. That's the same word that's used. It means a desire to rule. And so we need to know that that desire to rule over men that women have is something that is innate in them because of the

fall. However, men, we have taken this role that God has given to us as leaders in the home and as leaders oftentimes in society, and we have turned it into an aspect of a way for us to bludgeon women and say, you will do what I say. And because that has been what culture has done for so long, and because men have not been godly men, like what God is going to tell us to do, we have to turn it into a way for us to do here in just a moment, we have many of the issues that we have today. So what does it not mean?

What does it not mean to be subject to your husbands? I wrote down a handful of things. It does not mean that women are inferior. As a matter of fact, there are some cases in which women are actually probably superior to men in some things. This is not what that's talking about. It's not talking about who's inferior or superior at all. It does not mean that women can be abused.

It does not mean that women are intended. It does not mean that men are intended to stick around in a relationship where they are either the verbal punching bag or the physical punching bag of a man. They are not intended to stick around in relationships with that, nor do you need to continue to submit yourself to that. As a matter of fact, if you're in a relationship like that, it's time to get out.

It's time to find some sort of help, and it's time to maybe gather some of us as men from the church, and we'll stand in between you and him while you say, I'm not putting up with this any longer. It does not mean women are supposed to be in a relationship where they're not supposed to stick around and be abused by men. It also does not mean that women are to submit to all men. It doesn't mean that every man that you come across, like it talks about in Muslim cultures, every man that you come across, you are to submit yourself to.

It's very clear that the submission is to be to the husband. And then, last of all, it does not mean that women cannot have positions of authority in society. As a matter of fact, there's really only two places where the Bible is incredibly clear. That men are to take the leadership role, in the home and in the church. The Bible does not speak to whether or not women can be, have

roles of, or positions of authority in society as far as politics or business is concerned. The two places that the Bible is the most interested in pointing out that God has put men in charge is in the home and in the church. So it doesn't mean any of those things. So what does it mean? Well, the word to be subject to or subject to is the word to be subject to.

Submit to is a military term denoting rank or order. It speaks of someone voluntarily putting themselves under the authority of another. As a matter of fact, I really like what the Amplified Bible had to say about this. It says to voluntarily put yourself under the authority of or to subject yourselves to out of respect for position as protector and accountability to God.

To voluntarily subject yourself to out of respect for position as protector and accountability to God. Ladies, you need to understand something about the way that God has established the home. God has established the home that the men would be the leaders. And it's not because we're better at it. As I've said before, I actually have seen sometimes where I'm

like, actually, the lady's a whole lot better at being a leader than the man is. But that does not mean that it's supposed to be that way. It does not mean that that's the way. It does not mean that it's supposed to function. After all, one of the greatest places that we see this lesson of submission is in the Holy Trinity itself. You see, the Son, Jesus, who is fully God, submits himself to

the authority of the Father who he is equal to in ability. Yet he submitted himself to the authority of the Father. If you were to look at the military, I would guarantee that there are some underlings who have a greater knowledge, maybe even a greater ability. Greater ability. Than the ones who are in charge. Than the ones who have been placed in a rank higher above

them. But the fact of the matter is, the one that's been placed in a higher rank has both the responsibility and the authority to be there. And so he says, wives, submit yourselves, subject yourselves to your husbands as your accountability to God. Notice what he says, as is fitting in the Lord. As is fitting in the Lord. Now. I think that this carries a couple of different ideas with

it. The first idea that it carries with it is that, again, you're not to stick around in something ungodly that's going on. You're not to stick around and continue to submit to ungodliness within a relationship. And so as the husband is following the Lord, you follow him. You submit yourself to his authority. Once he starts to become abusive or starts doing things that go

against what God's word has to say, well, then there's some freedom that you have. You can't just sit there to release yourself from that situation. But it also speaks very clearly to this, that your submission to your husband is very much in line with your submission to your Savior. Because it has to do with your relationship with the Lord. Because God has placed that authority there, and it is the

role of the woman to fall in line with that authority. Now, I know that probably there's a little bit of, I can't believe he's saying this going on right now. now, but it's because we haven't gotten to the husbands yet. Husbands, notice what it says, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. Husbands, love your wives. Of course, that word love is that most powerful word in the Greek language, and that is agape.

What it does not say is, men, love your wives with an eros sort of a love. You see, that's the place where we get the word erotic, which is a physical sort of love. That's usually the one we're completely content with, right? It doesn't say, husbands, love your wives with that physical attraction sort of love. It doesn't even say, love your wives with a Philadelphia sort of love,

or a friendship sort of love. Although both of those are important in the marriage relationship, what he tells the husband that they need to do, because it comes the least naturally to us as men, is that you are to agape love your wives. Agape love is a divine love which impels you to deny yourself for their benefit. See, ladies, I told you I deal with the men. It tells you that you are to deny yourself for the benefit

of your wife. Again, I appreciate it. That was the Weiss translation. I appreciated the Amplified Bible on this. It says, the affectionate, sympathetic, selfless love that always seeks the best for another. You see, men, here's the thing. This is what God calls for us to do. What God calls for us to do is to love our wives in a self-denial sort of way. That means that

even if I don't feel like it, I still make the choice to love them every day. And I always like to point out the fact that in the book of Ephesians, it says, it adds the caveat, as Christ loved the church. And usually, we as men like to think of that as, well, we know how Christ loved the church. We know how Christ loved the church. We know how Christ loved the church. We know how

he gave himself for the church. He died for her. I would take a bullet for you. You know? And we love that chivalrous idea that I will fall on a bomb for you. I'll step in front of a bullet for you. And whatever else Bruno Mars said in that song, right? I'll fall on a blade for you. All those other things, right? That's what we think of because it just sounds so chivalrous. But as I

like to point out, your wife doesn't want you to die for you. She wants you to do the dishes. Your wife doesn't want you to die for you. She wants you to help her with the laundry. Your wife doesn't want you to die for her. She wants you to go to work every day. She wants to know that your life is wrapped up in making sure that she has everything that she needs. That she knows at the end of the day that you love her more than life itself, and you will

do everything that you can to serve her in every way that you possibly can. Because remember, Christ loved the church not just by dying for her. Christ showed us what love looked like by washing it. And that's what we're going to do. We're going to do everything that we can to serve her. We're going to do everything that we can to serve God and to serve her. And that's what God

wants us to do. We're going to do everything that He wants us to do. We're going to do everything that He wants us to do for her. We're going to do everything that He wants us to do for her.

What God is calling for us to do is to love our wives in that sort of way. You know why? Because I was just having a conversation with somebody about this the other day. Because nobody has a problem following someone into battle when they know that they love them. We will always go a step further for the people that show us the most love. Because we have no problem following them because we know beyond a shadow of a doubt,

shadow of a doubt, they have my best interest in mind. They care about me and I may not agree with what they're doing right now, but at the end of the day, I know that they're looking out for what's best. I'll follow them into battle. And men, if you want your wife to be the kind of woman that you want her to be, start with being the kind of husband that you're supposed to be. Be the kind

of husband that loves affectionately. Be the kind of husband that loves sympathetically. Be the kind of husband that loves in a self-denial sort of way. Now men, what that means is you're going to have to get to know your wife because her love language looks different than yours. See, the problem that a lot of us as men have is that we don't listen. Let me say that again. The problem

that a lot of us as men have is that we don't listen, right? I'm terrible about that. I'm terrible about that. I'm terrible about that. I'm terrible about that. I'm terrible about that. I'm terrible about that. I'm terrible about that. I'm terrible about that. I'm terrible Listen, I consider myself to be a pretty good listener. I listen for a living a lot, right?

Like when people come in and talk to me, I listen to them. And I listen intently. And I take in the things that they have to say. And I could probably sit down and write out the entire conversation because I listen really well until I get home. And then it's like I shut my brain off, right? And when I get home, I shut everything off because I just want to veg out and not pay attention to anything because I've been thinking all day.

And my wife starts talking to me. She says, so, what do you think? And I'm like, whatever you think is fine with me, right? Because I wasn't listening. One of my favorite memes is my wife came storming in today and said, why don't you listen? And I thought, that's a really odd way to start a conversation, right? Well, it didn't start that way. But if we don't listen to what they have to say and listen, sometimes even listen to what they don't say, then we don't know how to love them.

Then we don't know how to show the right kind of affection. If we don't pay attention to them, then we don't know how to show the right kind of self-denial that they need to see. But if we will pay attention to everything that they say and that they don't say, then we'll know how to love them the way that we're supposed to in that self-denying sort of way. Oh, I don't want to do that.

That's why it's called self-denial.

But men and women in this church today, we need to understand something. Our culture, they need to see strong marriages right now. They need to see. We need to see husbands and wives that are fulfilling the God-given roles that he gives to us in Scripture and see that that makes the happiest home possible, that that makes the happiest marriage possible. I'm not saying fake it, be real.

People need to see reality right now because we have a whole lot of people in the world that don't know what it looks like to have a Christian mom and dad. They don't know what it looks like to see a godly marriage. And they need that example for them today. Your kids. Your grandkids. Your nieces and nephews. They all need to see that example before them so that they can look and say, that's what it's supposed to look like.

That's what I want to emulate. Husbands, love your wives. And don't be embittered towards them. I prefer the New Living Translation on this. Don't treat them harshly. Don't treat them harshly. You know what I have found? You know who the easiest person in your life to speak to in the harshest way possible is? The people that you're the closest to. Have you ever noticed that?

You know why? Because you don't think they're going anywhere. You're like, they're not going to leave. They'll take it. There's a comfort level. I heard it said and I agree with it wholeheartedly and I tell all couples this. The marriage relationship is so unique because in the marriage relationship, there's a unique danger. It's uniquely beautiful in that you know each other better than anybody else in the world.

Therefore, you know how to make each other happier than anybody else in the world does because you know each other so well. And so you know how to say the right thing and do the right thing and all those kinds of things. But you also know how to hurt each other worse than anyone else in the world because you know each other so well. And you know what will dig deeper than anything else in the world.

Use that knowledge carefully. And especially us as men who can sometimes let our harsh words rule us. Don't treat your wives harshly. And so he deals with that marriage relationship. He says, men, you're going to be responsible before God. Therefore, ladies, submit yourself to their authority not because they're better but because they're responsible. And they'll have to answer to God for that position that he's put them in.

Husbands, love your wives because they're the greatest treasure you're ever going to have. And don't treat them harshly. He goes on to the second relationship, parents and children. He starts off with the children. Notice what he says in verse 20. Be obedient to your parents in all things for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. We're actually told that the commandment to honor a mother and father is the first commandment with a promise

that your days will be long upon the earth, right? And so there's an aspect, and he's speaking to youth here. He's speaking to young children here, children that are still living in the home. He says, obey your parents. I don't think there's too much explanation of that word that needs to be given. It means to obey your parents. It means to do what they tell you to do, to follow them, to respect their authority,

and to do as you have been told. Again, we have a real issue with this in our culture today of children not obeying their parents. But I'll get to why I think that's the case in just a moment. He says, children, obey your parents. Now, listen, once we become adult children and we're no longer in the home, the obedience changes. It goes from I'm no longer going to do everything that my parents tell me that I'm supposed to do,

and it turns into, I am going to honor my mother and father because they are still the ultimate authority that God has put in my life, or the first authority that God has put into my life. They're the ones that taught me what it looks like to submit to authority. Therefore, they're the ones that taught me to submit to the Lord. And so he says, children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.

But again, the same question comes up. What does he mean by all things? Because there are people that don't have godly parents. Perhaps if you're, if you're here and you work with kids a lot, you know that there's, you've worked with some kids that have very ungodly parents. And they're like, what am I supposed to do? My parents don't even like that I come to church.

My parents, I've had kids come to my Bible studies before, and they're like, they think it's ridiculous that I'm coming to a Bible study. They want to know why I'm not out partying with all of my friends right now. And all I can think is, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. But that's really what they taught them. And I used to have to fight a battle.

But I had kids two hours a week, and then they'd go home to their knucklehead parents the rest of the time, who did everything the opposite of me. And they'd say, so what am I supposed to do with that command? I said, well, you obey the things that you know line up with God, which I'm guessing is 95% of everything that they tell you to do. And the things that don't line up with God, you have to honor God first.

For instance, they would say, well, what if my parents won't let me come to Bible study? Like, well, then you can't come to Bible study. Doesn't mean you can't read your Bible. Doesn't mean you can't still pray to Jesus. It just means they didn't want you to come tonight. It's okay. So I have to obey them in all things. And so we have to teach them that that authority is there

while protecting them and showing that they don't have to also stick around and be those verbal or physical punching bags. He says, children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. But then he comes to why I think we have issues with kids today. He says, fathers, do not exasperate your children so that they will not lose heart.

Now, when he addresses fathers and the culture that he's addressing it, that was the main authority in the home. So if we're looking at today, we could really lump all parents in there in general. We could just say, parents, don't exasperate your children. That word exasperate means to irritate or provoke. Now, this doesn't mean that you can't do that. It doesn't mean that you can't joke with your kids, okay?

I like to irritate my kids sometimes. I sang a song in church last Sunday. You know what that did to my daughters? It kind of irritated them, right? It doesn't mean you can't joke with them. No, the idea is to provoke them to wrath. I think one of the translations, I think it's what the old King James says, do not provoke your children to wrath. And so I've thought about this a lot,

and I read in the Amplified Bible, it did a lot of explanation of this, but I made kind of a list of things that I thought about. I made kind of a list of things that I thought about. I made kind of a little list of some ways that we can sometimes provoke kids, that we can sometimes exasperate kids, and I see this in culture today, and it was fascinating that I read most of these in the Amplified Bible because I thought, man, those really go along with things. So I'm going to read you this little list and go over these, okay?

So the first way that we can sometimes irritate or provoke or exasperate kids is through trivial or unreasonable demands. Trivial or unreasonable demands. I have heard parents come up with rules and I'm like, oh, I don't know. I'm like, I do not get that one. You're the authority, but they're your kids, but that one doesn't make any sense to me because that doesn't seem to have any eternal bearing to it.

It doesn't seem to have any normal bearing to it, and quite frankly, your kid's pretty frustrated because of the rules that you're making, but it's so easy for us to make these trivial little rules, right? And what it ultimately comes down to is that we want control, and so we make trivial, unreasonable little rules for our kids so that we can control their lives. And we always have to ask ourselves the question, am I making this rule because I want it for their benefit, or am I making this rule because I want it for mine? Because that's a genuine question we have to answer.

So the first way that sometimes we can irritate or provoke our kids is by making trivial or unreasonable demands. The second way that we can do this is through humiliation. Humiliation. It hurts my heart so much when I see a parent just absolutely degrade their kid in front of everybody. Listen, we've all had moments where we lose our business on our kids, and I'm not saying, I'm not trying to be judgmental here,

but I know at the end of the day that if I'm going to have to deal with one of my kids, I've got to take them where no one can hear. I've got to take them where it's just me and them. Preferably even without a sibling around. Because at the end of the day, that is still their spirit that I'm dealing with. And I need them to know you've not embarrassed me, you've hurt me.

Because oftentimes discipline comes about not because we want to see our kids grow, but because they embarrassed us. And they embarrassed us with the way we acted, so we will humiliate them in front of everyone. And do you know what that does to a kid? It destroys their spirit. Because it makes them feel like they are an embarrassment. And it provokes kids.

Number three is just abuse. Abuse. Abuse. Abuse. Abuse. Abuse. Abuse. The way that we can irritate or provoke our kids. And I do hope this isn't going on with any families within our church. I hope that if you see things that are questionable out in culture, that you're questioning it when it comes up. I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut sometimes. Although I know that I need to

because I don't want to escalate a situation for a kid. But man, I have heard dads cuss their kids up one side and down the other. And I'm just going, why would you do that to a kid? Like, that's abusive speech at that point in time. And it's destroying them. And listen, I have no issue with discipline of kids. Deal with them. But it should never cross the line of abuse.

And if you're in the position where you're so angry, that's not the time to discipline. That's not the time to correct. That's the time to step back and say, now's a really good time for both of us to take a time out. I never understood. I never understood that until I had kids. And I realized that the time out's as much for the parent as it is for the kid.

Because I've got to gather my business. Because otherwise things are going to get real ugly. Right? And so we both just need to go to our corners and then we'll come deal with it. But abuse should never take place within a parent-child relationship. Number four. One, two, three. I didn't number these. No, one, two, three. Four, yeah. Number four is favoritism.

Favoritism. And again, I've seen this take place. This is something that we fight. Our girls try to pit each other against us all the time because they're smart. They're like, oh, you bought that for her. She's your favorite, huh? And they know immediately what's going to happen. No, she's not my favorite. You know, now I tell my girls their friends are my favorite.

Right? Who's your favorite? Your friend. Because I get to send her home. Right? I don't have to discipline her. She's my favorite. And they're like, dad. And I'm like, nope. Not going to play. But I see this happen, right? Where's the first place that we saw favoritism begin to take place? Jacob and Esau. And we saw how that ended, right? That was a bad deal.

Favoritism took place in there. And then again, we saw it with Joseph. Right? It's bad when that takes place. When we start making it to where one kid feels a little bit better than the other, either because they are academically smarter or they are physically stronger or they're more athletic or they're just easier, then it breaks the spirit of the other and they feel like they can never measure up.

Number five is indifference. Or as I like to call it, permissive parenting. Now, we understand why kids don't like authority in their life. Why we're having the issue of the fact that children don't obey anyone. You see, I'm way easier on kids than I am parents. I'm way easier on little Johnny because little Johnny was taught his whole life that the moment that he cries, he gets what he wants.

So what does he do everywhere that he goes? He cries. Why? Because he knows the moment he cries, he gets what he wants. He's been conditioned to do that by his parents. So when he shows up in my youth group, throws a fit about something that he wants, I deal with it, but I'm not mad at him. I'm mad at his parents because they've let that go his entire life.

When we see disrespectful kids today, quit getting mad at them. Don't get me wrong. We need to deal with the kids. But we also need to realize that somebody, somebody taught them to be that way. Somebody allowed them to be that way. Culture and parents allowed them to be that way. I'm here to tell you right now, if I had talked to some people the way that I see kids talk today,

I wouldn't have been able to sit down for a month and thank God for that, right? Like I look back at the way that I was raised and I don't know how many times I'm like, thank you guys, because I would have been a mess. I would have been an absolute loser if you hadn't disciplined me when I needed discipline. If you hadn't set the rules that you set. If you hadn't set the rules that you set for me.

But permissive parenting is destroying families today. Because I don't know how many families right now that I know of where the kids decide everything that happens. They choose what church they're going to. They choose what vacation we're taking, where we're eating that night, what cup they're going to use. I will never forget my mom giving me a lecture because I wasn't allowed to do this,

but we knew a family that did. And she said, don't ever decide that they can choose the color. Of the cup that they want. I said, what do you mean? She goes, I knew someone who let them always choose which cup they wanted. And if they didn't get the cup that they wanted, every time that they ate, they threw a fit about it. So they said, don't give them a choice.

Sometimes that's what you got to do. Because they're kids and they need taught. And so permissive parenting ultimately ends up irritating or provoking kids because we've got a lot of what we've got today. But then the last one is when we don't let our kids grow up. When we don't let our kids grow up. Helicopter parenting, lawnmower parenting, whatever the newest phrase is today.

That's what takes place. We want to make sure that no difficulty takes place in their life. And so we don't ever let them grow up. Do you know when starting to let kids grow up begins? When you drop them off at the nursery. That's when it starts. That's so early. It's the right time. Dropping kids off. Dropping kids off at the nursery. Because I'm here to tell you right now, my youngest daughter despised the nursery.

And if I saw a couple smiles, because y'all had her in there, right? There's only one human being my youngest daughter liked in the nursery. Nick Calm. And I'll say it second service when he's here too. She affectionately referred to him as Rick, right? He was the only person she liked in the nursery. And I think it's because she could play with his beard. She just thought that was the greatest thing in the world to just flip that beard around, right?

And we had to make a decision. Okay, do we drop her? She would cry when we walked by the nursery. Like, I'm at the church all the time and always have been. And we'd walk in the door and she'd look at the nursery and go, Ah! Ha! Ha! Ha! We'd get by it and she'd quit crying. She did not want to go in there, but we had to make her do it. And we would tell the nursery workers, look, I'm okay with the fact that she cries.

I hate it. Like, it still hurts my heart. But we're okay if she cries. So, unless you can't handle it anymore, let her cry it out. Because she's got to learn to cry it out. And you know what? It worked. And now she understands. Mom and Dad, they're coming back. And now her trust level in us is much deeper. And that trust level that she has in us will reflect upon the trust level that she has in her Heavenly Father.

Because I am only a picture and an example of what her Heavenly Father is ultimately like. And so, that's where it starts. But if you didn't do it then, then do it now. Let them face some hard things. Let them get the F on the test and don't go to the teacher and say, no, you have to correct this. No, they have to correct it. Let them do those things. Because we've got to let kids grow up.

Because we have a whole generation of people right now whose mommies are going with them to job interviews. Whose mommies are calling to set the interview for them. And if you're one of those people today, grow up. And set the interview for yourself. Because those things ultimately provoke kids. They exasperate them. They irritate them. And they become wrathful human beings.

And so, he says, fathers, parents, do not exasperate your children. Why? So that they will not lose heart. So that they will not become unmotivated through a broken spirit. Again, the best advice. I was given when my girls were very tiny is, you have to break their will without breaking their spirit. Because we want that spirit strong. But we want that will submissive, ultimately, to the father.

Because that's our goal. And so, he deals with, first of all, husbands and wives. Second of all, parents and children. Third, employers and employees. And if I haven't upset you yet, we'll get there. He starts off by saying, I'm not going to let you down. He starts off by saying, I'm not going to let you down. He starts off by saying, I'm not going to let you down.

He starts off by saying, slaves. See, I told you we'd get there. Slaves, in all things, obey those who are your masters on earth. Okay, before I can actually get to what it says, I have to deal with the word that was used. Because this is one of the greatest criticisms of scripture. Right? Is that it regulates slavery. Well, there's a couple of things that we need to understand.

If you're dealing with Old Testament slavery, we need to know that it's not what we think of as slavery in the Old Testament. Right? It was indentured servitude, usually because somebody fell into debt. And so they were a slave to their lender, just like you're a slave to your lender today. And so you were a slave to your lender, and so you needed to be treated properly.

That's slavery in the Old Testament. When we get to the New Testament, Paul is writing to the Roman world. Now, in the Roman world, slaves outnumbered free men. As a matter of fact, there was a point in time where there were so many slaves in the Roman Empire, and they wanted to be able to identify the slaves. And they said, let's make them all wear the same color of clothing.

Only they realized, if they did that, the slaves would realize just how much they outnumbered the free men, and they might rise up against them. So they decided not to do that. So Paul is writing to a Roman culture where slavery is the reality. Now, rather than try to start a revolution to end slavery, he instead, God instead, deals with the institution itself, knowing that if you really want to change, and change an institution, it starts with the heart.

Therefore, he elevated slaves to being on the same plane as free men, and he brought masters down to being on the same level as slaves, and said, you both belong to the same master. Therefore, treat each other in a godly way. Okay, that's the word I have to say about slavery. So don't go and say, Pastor Ryan said slavery is okay, because it's in the Bible. No.

What we find is that everywhere that the Bible is really taught, where it elevates the place of the slave to being just like the free man, and lowers the place of the master to being the same as the slave, all of a sudden, slavery comes to an end. William Wilberforce in England ended slavery because he prayed. Because he was a man of God, who believed that God created us to be free, and he did so in an amazing way. And if you've ever watched the movie Amazing Grace about William Wilberforce, you know the story.

If you haven't watched the movie, you should watch the movie. And so, that deals with that issue. Now, let's not view this as slaves and masters, because we don't have that in our culture today, at least not in America. Let's deal with employers and employees. So, employees, in all things, obey those who are your employers on earth, not with external service as those who merely please men,

but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Employees, who is probably most of us in here today, obey your employer. So, working with young men for a really long time, and having worked in the construction world, I tell them all the same thing. If you will show up to work, be on time, and do what you're told, you will never not have a job. People will seek you out.

And if you're an employer in here, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Then, if you're willing to do that, to do those three things, which BTW is the bare minimum, if you're willing to just show up and do those three things, you will always have a job everywhere that you go. Because people will look at you and they will know that you are reliable and they want you to work for them, which is why he starts off by saying, employees, obey those who are your earthly employers. Just do what they've told you to do. Do what you've been asked. Only he takes it one step further. Notice what else he

tells them to do. With sincerity of heart. Wait, I missed one. Not with just external service as men pleasers. Not with just external service as men pleasers. What does he mean by that? Don't just work when the boss is around. We've all been around that guy. Hopefully you've never been that guy. If you have, I hope you're reformed now. But we've all known those people who only work when

the boss is around. Boss is around. Oh, hey, what's going on? I was working really hard here. Just working. What are you working on? I have no idea, but I'm working really hard at it. I'm doing a really good job. I'm really making money for the company today, right? The boss leaves and they're like, where was I? Right? We all know that guy. Please don't be that guy. Not with external or eye

service as a men pleaser. As somebody who just wants to make other people happy. Now, what does he say to do instead? He says, instead with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. That word sincerity. Sincerity means an undivided heart. An undivided heart. You may not realize this, but who you are as an employee speaks more to your faith than any amount of scripture that

you'll ever know. Than any amount of doctrine that you'll ever know. Than any amount of faith that you'll ever have. Because who you are as an employee will speak volumes to the world around you. And when they see that that guy works hard no matter what, that he has an undivided heart, that he's not a hard worker when the boss is around and a back talker when the boss isn't

around, that he's not a clock in when he's supposed to when the boss is around, but fudge the time clock when the boss is not around, but you have true sincerity of heart, people go, he's the real deal. He's the real deal. Because everything about his life reflects what he says that he believes. Do you know that's what caused the early church to spread so much? Is they said basically all they

do is love each other, they're honest in all of their dealings, they're hard workers, and they're willing to give up their lives for their faith. That was what everybody saw in the early church. That's what we need to start seeing in today's church, is employees who show up and give it their all with sincerity of heart. He goes on to say one other thing. He says, and whatever you do,

work heartily as for the Lord rather than for men. The phrase heartily means diligently, or as it says in the Amplified Bible, give it your best effort. Give it your best effort. You will find that if you want a truly fulfilled life, not only do we follow Jesus Christ with all of our hearts, but we work hard. Have you ever noticed that you tend to desire what you do the most? If you lounge around all

the time, do you know what you want to do more of? Lounging around. If you're lazy at work all the time, you know what you want to do more of? Being lazy at work. Eventually, you have to break that cycle. The way that you break that cycle is to have one really hard day. Because you find on that one really hard day that you got so much accomplished, you're not going to be able to do

it again tomorrow. Because an object in motion tends to stay in motion. You tend to crave doing that which you do the most. And when you're really giving it your all, when you're working heartily, when you are diligently giving your best effort, it changes everything about you. And if that doesn't change your viewpoint, remember, you're doing it for God. In other words,

when your boss isn't around, Jesus is. Right? Jesus does see when you fudge the time clock. Jesus does see when you're the back talker. Jesus does see when you're the one who's just sitting there lazily. And so do it as if you're doing it for the Lord. When I first got into groundskeeping fresh out of Bible college, I used to view this high rise that I took care of. I got to start taking care of this one high rise,

and it had the watered lawn. It was really, really nice. I loved taking care of it. And all I could think the whole time is, you know what? I'm going to start treating this like a mowing a mansion in heaven. And that was just the way that I viewed it. And so as I viewed it that way, it changed the way that I did everything. Because now, I didn't leave anything undone. I made sure every scrap of grass was, or every blade of grass was

blown off the sidewalk. I made sure that the edging was perfect. Because in my mind, I wasn't just mowing the high rise for a bunch of elderly people. I was taking care of a mansion in heaven. And it changed my viewpoint on everything. He says, work heartily as for the Lord, knowing that from the Lord, you will receive a reward because it's the Lord whom you serve.

And if that doesn't do it for you, verse 25, for he who does wrong will receive the consequence of the wrong which he has done and that without partiality. Now, verse one of chapter four carries the last part of this. I have no idea why it got put in chapter four. It almost doesn't even make sense. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense.

It doesn't make sense. But that's what they did. But it really goes with this past section. Notice what it says. Masters, grant your slaves justice and fairness, knowing that you too have a master in heaven. Grant your slaves justice and fairness. What does that mean? Well, if you're here this morning and you're an employer or you own a business, number one, you need to treat your

employees with kindness. They are not just labor to be used as the way that you, the way that you see fit. They are human beings who are performing a task for you. And ultimately, you will answer to God for how you treat them. But number two, as the t-shirt says, pay the man. Make sure that your employees are taken care of as good as you possibly can, as well as you possibly can.

Because people will always do more when they know they're being compensated for it. People will always do more when they know they're being taken care of. One of my favorite places to eat of all time is In-N-Out Burger. Do you know that In-N-Out Burger treats their employees maybe even better than Chick-fil-A does? Their managers are making six figures a year,

but every manager has to start off flipping burgers. Because they want to know that the guy in charge of the store knows what it's like to be the guy flipping the burgers. And they pay those guys well too. But as they're in charge of the store, they want to know what it's like to be the guy As they continue to move up, and as they become managers, they have to work every aspect of what it means to be employed at an In-N-Out Burger. Why? So that their masters can treat their employees

with justice and fairness. I'm here to tell you right now, the greatest thing that ever happened to me is having to work the most menial jobs for most of my life. I can't even tell you some of the stories, but they've helped make me who I am today. Because I have so much grace, for anybody that has the hardest job ever. I've had to be a trash man before. I've had to be a

sewer cleaner before. I'll tell you one story real quick. This one's not gross. There's one I just, I can't tell you. I think my wife wouldn't stay in the church if I did. She's already told me if I tell any more stories like that, she won't come back to church. So I show up to a job site one time. And I was young at this time. I was in my early 20s. I was in my early 20s. I was in my

early 20s. I think I was 25 and a little slimmer than I am right now. And I show up to the job site and they give me a couple of tasks to do. So I'm working along at some of these tasks. And our project manager, Larry Hume, shows up. He says, Adam, did you tell Ryan about his special job? I need you to know right now, when they say special job, there's nothing special about the

job. It's the job no one else can or will do. And you're the only one that's willing to do it. He said, no, I haven't told him about the special job yet. He looks at me and goes, come on, Ryan. So we go out to this structure. We were building a swimming pool. And Shawnee, it's still there today. It's a beautiful place over on Johnson Drive. And there was a wave pool. And so there

was a wave generator structure that had to be built there. And so as this wave generator structure was built, somebody read the plans wrong. And they didn't put the footings down deep enough for the wave generator structure. It didn't go below frost line. And so the footings needed to be dug down. I mean, the thing stood probably as tall as this ceiling right here. I mean, it was a pretty big

structure. They didn't want to redo that. So they came up with plan B, which involved me. They're like, OK, so here's what you need to do. You're going to have to dig down. I think it was two foot. And you've got to dig back. And it was probably about half as wide as this stage is right now. You have to dig down two foot and dig back the whole length of the wave generator structure,

which was probably from about these stairs right here. That's what you have to do. I said, how am I going to do that? And they're like, I don't know, but we're looking forward to seeing what you figure out. And I was like, so I start digging. And I dig myself a hole big enough for my body to get into. And then I take a pickaxe and a shovel. And I spend a week. No, it was three days pickaxing and getting back in there behind there.

And now I have so much patience for anybody that has to do the most menial of tasks. I don't look at people and say, I have a special task. I don't look at people and say, I have a special task. I don't look at people and say, I have a special job for you. I look at people and say, I have a job you're going to hate. Come on, let's go do it. Because I know what that's like. I've learned

to treat people with justice and fairness. And I won't ever ask somebody to do something I'm not willing to do myself. That's what he says to do here. He says, masters, grant to your slaves justice and fairness. Why? Because you know that you have a master in heaven. In other words, you are going to have to answer for how you treat those employees. And so brothers and sisters in Christ, if we are to continue to live out what

God wants us to do, then we have to live out godly relationships. And the three relationships that have the greatest impact upon our witness is our marriage relationship, the relationship between parents and kids, and our work relationships. And so we should do them in godly ways. Amen? Let's all stand. Again, hoping we get to gather for this baptism this evening. I think we're going to. Make sure that you bring a dish to share

and a chair to sit in and we will enjoy some good food together. And then we'll see some lives that have been touched by the gospel. Make that public declaration of faith. Father, we come to you now and we thank you for who you are. And we thank you for the goodness of your word and just ask that you would continue to use your word in these practical ways in our lives to draw us near to you.

Help us to be the men and women that you've created for us today. And Lord, when we fall short, may we find our refuge in you. In Jesus' name. Amen. Be blessed.

Give us a blessed and safe week, a good week. And may we just trust you in just every area of our life. And we'll give you all the thanks. In Jesus' name. Amen. Lord bless you.