Godly Relationships

the ascension, Lord, as those boys, those apostles were all gathered there, Mount of Olives, and they saw you go up. And the angels there standing with them said, wait, wait, what you're looking at, boys, as they looked so steadfastly, gazing as if they're in a theater, really, really taking in a movie and a particular sight. He said, boys, in the same way you saw him go up, he's going to return. You saw him go up in those clouds? Yeah, he's going to return like that. Amen? Oh, God bless now

our time as we continue to have some fellowship here. And then Ryan comes up and teaches your word by your Holy Spirit, anointing with your power to speak that which you have given him to teach your word in Jesus' name. Amen? Let's have some fellowship, y'all. Oh, there it is. Okay, I was going to say, my green light's still on. Welcome to Calvary Chapel. I'm glad that you're

here this morning. A handful of things to take note of on the announcements on the left-hand side of your bulletin are the things going on throughout the week, so please take note of those. And then tonight we have a baptism, and I don't even know that I looked outside. Is the sun coming? Take those jokes. Yes, I can. I'm claiming it by faith right now. The sun's going to come out,

and it's going to not be 70 degrees because I hate cold water. But we're going to have a baptism at Paris Park Pool. We're going to have a picnic at 530 at the... We're going to have a shelter there at Paris Park, and then we're going to go across the street to the pool at 7, and we're going to baptize people. Probably lots of people under the age of 25 will

get in there and swim. And if you're over the age of 25 and you're going to get in there and swim, bless you, okay? I'm going to put a towel on and shiver for a while. But it is going to be a great time as we celebrate new life in Christ. A couple of other things. Men, we have a men's breakfast coming up on the 24th. That's a week later than we usually do it, but it's the way that it had to

work out. So join us for that. We're going to have a men's breakfast coming up on the 24th. And then a year or two ago, Holly Gage approached me and said, hey, I would like to start a new group here at church. It's called Grief Share. And what it is, is it a 12-week... I'm looking at... Is it 12 weeks? 13 weeks. Okay, thank you. It's a 13-week program for people that have, at some point in

time, lost loved ones, and you're still processing through that. You're still trying to figure out what that looks like, how you live life, how you keep going on with your life. And I'm going to with the pain of loss. And so it's a place for believers to gather together, to mutually encourage each other, and to have a place where you can vent out some of those feelings and hopefully be encouraged by God's Word. So if you're interested in being involved in that,

it starts on September the 10th, will be the next program that starts up. And all of the information is in the bulletin right there for you to go on and sign up, and they'll get the workbook for you and all those kinds of things. So those are the things that are going on. If you would make sure that your mobile device is silenced. And for our responsive reading this morning, we are going to

be in Psalm 11. Psalm 11. Looking at the New American Standard for this part, just so that we sound the same. If you need a copy of the New American Standard, there should be one in a row around you. If not, it's a great time to make a friend. And as you're turning to Psalm 11, if you would, and you are able, please stand in the honor of the reading of God's Word. I will read the odd

verses if you will follow along with Pastor Allen and the even verses. Psalm 11, for the choir director, a Psalm of David.

His eyes behold, his eyelids test the sons of men. The Lord tests the righteous and the wicked, and the one who loves violence his soul hates. Upon the wicked he will rain snares, fire and brimstone, and burning wind will be the portion of their cup. And read verse 7 with me. For the Lord is righteous, he loves righteousness, the upright will behold his face.

And Father, I praise you for the truth that we can find our refuge, and you, and Lord, I thank you that, Lord, you are enthroned in your holy temple, and you see everything that's going on, and Lord, you will act justly. And we can know that. And so, Father, as we spend some time in your Word this morning, I just ask that as we find our refuge in you, Lord, that your Holy Spirit would teach us this morning. Lord, teach us through your Word exactly what it is that each heart needs to hear. In Jesus' name. Amen. You may be seated.

All right. If you would open up your Bibles to the book of Colossians. Colossians chapter 3. Colossians chapter 3. Today, we come to a new section. It's its own series. It's a one-week series. We'll just call it a study. And it could have easily fit into what the rest of chapter 3 was, which was seek those things that are above. But it really felt like it kind of belonged on its own because it deals with relationships. So ultimately, one of the

things I've learned in life is that ultimately life is made up of relationships. It's either your relationship with God or your relationship with God. And I'm going to talk about that in a minute. But I'm going to talk about that in a minute. But I'm going to talk about that in a minute. Three of the most important relationships that you'll have in your life are the relationship of

husband and wife, the relationship of parents and children, and the relationship of employers and employees, or those people that you work for or the people that are working for you. Those are important relationships because those relationships will reflect who you really are in Christ. Those relationships, more than anything else, will reflect just how much you're growing in Christ and will ultimately be your greatest wish. And so I'm going to talk about those relationships.

And so as Paul gives us direction on these, it's so that we can be those who are living as if we're seeking those things above by having appropriate relationships while we're here on earth. And so we pick up in verse 18, and it says this,

we pick up in verse 18, and it says, And so he starts off with the first one, the relationship between a husband and a wife. Now, before we actually get to what this says, I'm not going to do some

extensive study on marriage. I've actually done that before. I think it was almost a year ago that I did an extensive study on marriage. So I would encourage you to go back to our website and look that up. You can go to CalvaryChapelArkCity.org, and you can go to the messages tab and look up all of our old messages. I would encourage you to do that. But I do want to address what he says here in Scripture. But before I get to this, I do just have to say this one thing, and that's to remind us that marriage was God's idea. It was the first foundational institution that he gave to humanity.

And he defined it for us, and we must live with that definition, that marriage is defined as a covenant relationship between a man and a woman for life. That's what God intended it to be. And anybody that tries to define marriage as anything else, it's not a marriage. Because in God's eyes, that's not a marriage. Because what makes you married is not what the government says. What makes you married is what God says. And when God sees that covenant made between a man and a woman,

in that covenant relationship, then it is truly a marriage in God's eyes. And so, he begins to give instructions. And the first instruction that he gives is incredibly unpopular in our culture today. If you don't believe me, just ask Harrison Butker, right? Who, by the way, is now the highest paid kicker in the NFL. I think that that's awesome, right? But the first thing that he says is this.

He addresses wives first. The reason why he addresses wives first is because the husbands weren't listening yet. Wives be subject to your husbands. That phrase, be subject, is what a lot of people have a really hard time with. And as a matter of fact, some of your translations may be submissive to or submit to your husband. Now, again, that's become a really dirty word in

our culture. But I want to give you the two reasons why that's become a dirty word in our culture. First of all, because of the fall of man. When Adam and Eve sinned, and when sin entered the world, Eve was given the punishment. And part of the punishment was pain and childbirth. But he also told her your desire will be for your husband. That didn't mean that she was always

going to think Adam was hot, right? She was like, I really want that guy. No, the word is used elsewhere in Scripture. As a matter of fact, it's used with Cain and Abel when God told Cain, sin's desire is to rule over you. That's the same Hebrew word that's used. And so when he says, your desire will be for your husband, it means that your desire will be to

rule over your husband. In other words, there will always be a power struggle between men and women. Because the way that God has intended for things to be is that men would be the leaders of the home, and that the women would support them in doing so. And so not only is innately there sin nature inside of us that prevents this from happening, but men, we're part of the problem too.

Because for years, for centuries, for millennia, men have treated this position, this God-given responsibility, this God-given privilege to be the ones who are leaders in the home, and we have turned it into a way to browbeat women. And tell them, you're less than me, you have to do everything that I tell you to do, you don't get a vote in things, you don't get a say in things, I'm the king of the castle. And that's sort of what our culture has termed toxic masculinity has helped to create the issue that we have today. That when you bring up anything about biblical roles of men and women, there's immediately issues with it. And so men,

we have to own a little bit of our part for this, and I'll deal with us in just a moment. But he tells women, you need to be submissive to your husbands. Now before I define what that means, I want to say what it does not mean. Okay? There's a handful of things it does not mean. To be submissive or to be subjective does not mean that women are inferior. As a matter of fact,

there are many ways in my own relationship, that my wife is far superior to me, but God has given me the responsibility. God has put me in the position of being head of the home. And so it does not speak of inferiority or superiority. It has everything to do with biblical language. Number two, it does not mean that women can be abused. And ladies, I want to be real clear on this. If you're in a relationship with a husband,

and he is abusive to you, you do not have to stand around and take that. You do not have to stand around and take that. If you're in a relationship with a husband, and he is abusive to you, you do not have to stand around and take that. He cannot use God's word to say that you have to submit to him, even though he's abusive to you. Get out. And gather some of us men here at the church,

and we'll help you get out. Because you're not to live in that situation. That abuse, either a physical punching bag or a verbal punching bag, that should never take place. That is not what being biblically submissive means. Number three, it does not mean that women are to submit to all men. Number three, it does not mean that women are to submit to all men.

I think this is important to pay attention to, because if I remember correctly, it's the Islamic culture that teaches that women must submit to all men. All men are their authority. But listen, that's not what's being said here. You don't have to submit to all men. It's your husband. Okay? And then number four, it does not mean that women cannot hold positions of authority.

As a matter of fact, and I found this fascinating. I've read this twice by David Guzik, and I thought it was pretty interesting. He pointed out, biblically, there are only two arenas in which God says men have to take the lead. That men are to be the ones that are in charge in the home and in the church. It doesn't address business. It doesn't address politics. It just

addresses those two places. So, that being said, it doesn't negate women being in positions of leadership. It just means that within the home and within the church, God has ordained that men would be in that position. Now, let's talk about what it does mean. The word to be subject to or to submit to is a military term that denotes rank or order. And the idea is to subject oneself out of respect

for position as protector and accountability to God. To voluntarily put yourself under the authority of another. To voluntarily put yourself under the authority of another. For instance, I've never been in the military, but I've known some people that have been in the military. And they talk about the fact that rank means everything. You can be smarter than the guy that's over you. You can be more qualified

than the guy that's over you. You can be a better warrior than the guy that's over you. But the fact of the matter is, if he's in the rank above you, you have to submit to that authority. It doesn't mean that you're less than. It means that that's the order that's been established. And he is the one who is ultimately responsible. And that's the same idea in the marriage relationship. We need to know that God will

hold men responsible for being the leaders in the home, listen, whether they take that responsibility or not. And the greatest thing that a godly woman can do is empower her husband to be the one who is in charge. Empower the husband to be the one who is the leader. And that means, first of all, letting him be the one that is the leader. Because sometimes, ladies, you gotta let him be in charge.

He doesn't know what he's doing. Okay, well, help him find some counsel. But let him be the one that's in charge. It's what God has instituted. And he's gonna be held responsible for it. But number two, not only let him be in charge, empower him to be in charge. Follow him, even though sometimes it's hard to do. Even though sometimes it's everything that your flesh

doesn't want to do. You voluntarily put yourself under that rank. And then he gives us the qualifying factor, as is fitting in the Lord. And again, I believe that that means two things. Number one, it means that as he is following the Lord, you follow him. If all of a sudden ungodliness is beginning to rule, well then, all bets are off. But the second thing that that means is that

it is reflective of your own relationship with the Lord. In other words, as you are submitting to Christ, ultimately you are putting yourself under the authority of the one that God has established as the headship. And so he starts with wives. He says, wives, be subject to your husbands. But then he comes to husbands. And he says, husbands, love your wives, and do not be embittered

against them. Husbands, love your wives. Now the word used for love there is that most powerful Greek word, which is the word agape. And I want to point out why he uses that word. He doesn't tell husbands, you should eros your wife, because eros is the word for a physical aspect of love, right? Nobody has to tell a husband to do that. He doesn't have to tell them to use that aspect of love. He doesn't even tell husbands that they

are supposed to phileo or philadelphia, friendship sort of love with their wife, right? Because that's what comes naturally. Now what he tells them that they need to do is they need to have an agape love for their life. So let me tell you what that means. It means a divine love which implores you to deny yourself for their benefit. A divine love that implores you to deny

yourself for their benefit. Well that sounds a whole lot different now, doesn't it? Because now it means that if I'm to love my wife the way that God wants me to, it means I have to start telling myself no. And I have to start doing what's absolutely best for her. Listen, even if it means more work for me. Even if it means I don't get what I want all the time. And men, I need you to listen close.

We've got to become men like this. We have to be the kind of men who love our wives sacrificially. We have to be those kind of men. Let me read to you what it says out of the Amplified Bible. It says, it's the affectionate, sympathetic, selfless love that always seeks the best. The affectionate, sympathetic, selfless love that always seeks the best. Now I'd like

to remind us what it says in the book of Ephesians, that we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church. And usually we think of the first thing that Christ did for the church, right? What did Christ do for us? He died for us. And so men start to get that real chivalrous sort of feel, like, man, I'll do anything for you. You know, I'd catch a grenade for you. I'd throw my hand on

a blade for you. You know, whatever else Bruno Mars said in that song, right? I'd do all those things for you. That's what I would do in my love for you. And it's like, dude, your wife doesn't want you to fall on a grenade. She wants you to help her with the dishes, right? Your wife doesn't want you to throw your hand on a blade. She wants you to fold the laundry, right? She wants you to pick up after yourself.

Because that's what means something to her. That's what speaks her language. But you know what else? Did you notice that there were several words that were used in that Amplified Bible? Affectionate, sympathetic, and selfless? You see, the other thing that we have to do, men, is we have to start listening to our wives. Let me say that again. We have to start listening to our wives. You know why I said it twice? Because we're not good at it.

You know why I said it twice? Because we're not good at it, right? Like, we've got to start listening to what they have to say. And sometimes we've got to listen to what they don't say. Because in order for us to know how to love our wife, we need to start to understand what actually speaks love to her. Because what speaks love to you looks different than what speaks love to her. Can you imagine? Okay, so

you're like, man, I really blew it. I need to show my wife how much I love her. I know what I'll do. I'll change the oil in the car, and she'll really know how much I love her. It's like, she's going to be glad you changed the oil. Don't get me wrong. She didn't even know it needed changed, right? She's like, wow, that's great. But if you're really listening, you go, you know what I think she'd

really like for me to do? What I really think that she'd like for me to do is give her a spa day. That's what I think she'd really like. Because she said about 17 times, what I'd really like to do is just get my nails done. And so, so I I'm just going to say, you know what, I'm taking the kids for today. They're on me. And I'm just going to get you a gift certificate to go get your nails

done. And all of a sudden, you just spoke love to your wife. You just said, I love you. Even though what you didn't want to do on a Saturday afternoon was maybe hang out with the kids all day because what you really wanted to do was whatever crazy project you have going in the garage. But you knew that the most important thing you could do is show your wife how important she was to you and have her do

something you don't understand at all. But it started because you listened. You listened to what she said. You listened to what she didn't say. And you started paying attention to what her needs actually were. Fellas, I need you to know something. If you'll do that with your wife, she will follow you into the gates of hell. Because she knows you love her. She knows you love her. And she's like, I know he's looking out

for the best for me. I don't always understand what he's doing. I don't always understand why he wants to do it. But you know what? He's never proven to me that he's not looking out for my best. I'll do it. Let's go. Let's do this thing. How do you think I got Aaron to move to Arc City from Kansas City? Right? So he says, husbands, love your wives. And then he says, and don't be bitter against them.

Let me read this to you. I prefer the New Living Translation on this. It says, don't treat them harshly. You know why he says that? Because what do we as men tend to do? We tend to be a little bit more harsh, right? We just kind of say it how it is. We don't always think about how it's going to come out of our mouths. We're just a little bit more harsh with each other.

And sometimes we can be even more harsh with the person that we spend the most time with because the comfort level looks different. I always say that marriage is the most beautiful dangerous relationship you can be in. It's beautiful because you know each other so well. And you know what makes each other happier than anything else in the world. But it's dangerous because you know each other so well. And you know how to push buttons

like no one else in the world can. You know what can dig deeper than anything else in the world and you know what's going to really burn her biscuits, right? Don't choose that one. Don't treat them harshly. Because that's the greatest treasure that God has given you. Amen? And the world needs to see godly marriages right now. The world needs to see godly men

and women who come together and show them what a godly relationship is supposed to look like. Because friends, there's a lot of kids out there that have no idea what that looks like. They don't even know what a marriage looks like, let alone a godly one. And we need to see that. We need to see this happen in our lives. He goes on from there to talk to parents and children. Notice what he says. He says,

Fathers, do not exasperate your children so that they will not lose heart. Now he addresses fathers because fathers were the main, since they were the head of the home, they were the main disciplinarian within the home. They were the seat of authority. But I would like to change that word fathers to parents. Because we do live in a little bit of a different culture where that's concerned now. And so I think that this really addresses all of us.

But he gives us one command as parents. He says, Oh, you know what? I skipped you kids. I skipped you kids and I'm not going to do that to you because I love you too much. He says, Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. I'd love to give you some sweet Greek definition of the word obedient there, but there's not one. It just means to be obedient.

In other words, do what your parents tell you to do. And as a matter of fact, we're told in the Old Covenant, in the Old Testament, in the Ten Commandments that you're to honor your father and mother because it's the first commandment with a promise. Because it says honor your father and your mother that your days may be long upon the earth. Because I don't know if I'm allowed to quote Bill Cosby anymore or not in 2024 because as Bill Cosby used to always say, I brought you into this world, I take you out of this world. Right? But we're to obey,

you're to obey your parents. And listen, I've been working with kids for a really long time and I tell them all the exact same thing. If you want your parents to let you do whatever you want to do, obey everything that they tell you to do. From the heart. Wholeheartedly obey everything and they will trust you with everything in the world. They will have no problem trusting you to do whatever

you want to do. Let me give you a contrast from my own personal life. When I was a junior in high school, I wasn't walking with Jesus and I was being an idiot. I was being a knucklehead. My parents didn't trust me. They didn't trust me very much to do things. As a matter of fact, the last time I ever went out and did things that Jesus wasn't real pleased with, the last thing that my mom

said to me was, you know what's right. Because she knew I wasn't doing what was right. And all she could do was trust Jesus at that point in time because she knew she couldn't trust me. And that's exactly what God used to get a hold of my heart because that statement rang in my ears the entire night. Fast forward to a year later, I had gotten my heart right with Jesus. And now I was following Jesus with all of my heart.

I loved Him and I was doing everything that He wanted me to do. Therefore, I was doing everything that my parents wanted me to do. And I had rebuilt that trust. Not because of how good I was but because I had a real relationship with Jesus Christ and I was really obeying them in everything that they had to do. Well, my dad went to go interview for a job up in Kansas

City and it was Arcolalla weekend and everybody knows what goes on on Arcolalla weekend. Carnival rides, right? Everybody knows what goes on in Arkalala Weekend, especially with teenagers. And so Arkalala Weekend, I'm a senior in high school, my sister's a sophomore in college, and my mom and dad left on Arkalala Weekend, and they drove up to Kansas City and stayed there the entire weekend and let us have the house all to ourselves.

You know why they were able to do that? Because I was fully submitted to God in everything, therefore I was fully submitted to them in everything, and I didn't throw a party at my house because I didn't want to throw a party at my house. Therefore, they could trust me with everything because I had proven it in the way that I was living my life. Kids, if you want your parents to trust you, obey them.

Not just obeying them, but ultimately obeying God, and you'll eliminate trust issues from your life. Because they'll know they're going to obey me because they're being held to a higher accountability, because ultimately they're accountable to God. And so, church. Children, obey your parents because this is pleasing, this attitude of respect is well pleasing to the Lord.

Now we get to fathers and parents. This is what he says. He says, don't exasperate your children. That word exasperate means to irritate or to provoke. Now listen, this doesn't mean you can't joke around with your kids, right? Like, I like to irritate my kids just a little bit sometimes. I sang a song from the pulpit last Sunday. That irritates. That irritated my daughters a little bit, and I was completely content to do that.

That's not the kind of irritating that he's talking about here. I think some of your translations may say provoke to wrath. You don't want to provoke your children to wrath. That's the idea that's being given here. And so, of course, I don't like to just say, well, don't exasperate or don't provoke your children. What does that look like? Well, I read the Amplified Bible on this, and it gave a handful of ideas, and then I

added a couple myself. So I came up with a list of ways that oftentimes parents can end up provoking their kids. To wrath or irritating or exasperating their kids. Number one is through trivial or unreasonable demands. Trivial or unreasonable demands. Listen, if your rules don't make sense, your kids are going to have a really hard time following it. I'm not saying they have to understand everything that you do.

I'm saying someone should understand it, right? I've heard some rules that parents make for kids, and I'm like, that doesn't even make sense. I don't even know why. That's just a trivial, unreasonable thing. And what you realize is they didn't make the rule for the best of their kids. They made the rule because they wanted control. And that's what you have to be careful about.

Because as we make rules that are only to control our kids, first of all, they end up changing all the time. Have you ever noticed that? People that make trivial rules, they change the rules all the time. But also, it ends up just destroying the kids because they never know if it's right or not. And so number one is by making trivial or unreasonable demands.

The second way that we can provoke our kids is through humiliation. It's through humiliation. I don't know how many times I've been in a store where a kid gets in trouble, and the parent berates them in front of everybody around. And I'm going, listen, I get it, man. You got to deal with that. You can't let that go on. But take them to the car. None of the rest of us need to hear anything about what's going on in that.

Because you need to maintain a little bit of dignity for your kid because you wouldn't like it. If I berated you in front of the entire store for the way that you're acting right now. So don't do that to your kid, right? Like with my girls, I've failed in this before, but I try to not even correct them in front of each other. Like if I have to really have a serious conversation, we try to make the other one go in the other

room. Because at the end of the day, man, they're still a creature made in the image of God. And they still have a spirit that we don't want to break. We want to break their will. We don't want to break their spirit. And we don't want them to feel like they are. They're just an embarrassment. Because you know who I find usually humiliates their kids the most?

The ones who are the most embarrassed by the way that their kids act. And so they try to save face by them putting it on the kid. And ultimately, the kid ends up growing up feeling like they're just an embarrassment. And they really struggle. Number three is abuse. And listen, kids, I want you to know something. Listen, if you've got a parent that's abusing you.

If you've got a parent that has turned you into either a verbal punching bag or he or she has turned you into a physical punching bag, I want you to please come talk to me. And I mean that genuinely. We'll see what we can do to get you some help. Because I know what that can do to a kid. And you should never, ever live in a situation like that. God would not have that to take place and that parent needs dealt with.

They either need the counseling that it takes to get them through it, to deal with their anger issues, or they just need dealt with. But abuse always ends up leading to provoking kids to wrath. And listen, I have no problem with discipline. Discipline your kids. But abuse should never come into it. The next one is favoritism. It's interesting. First service, I said the first case of favoritism that we saw was in Jacob and Esau.

But somebody came up to me after. He said, but the first case of perceived favoritism was Cain and Abel. Oh, that's a good point. But favoritism. When we start making one of them feel like they're a little bit better, this is usually the way that it goes. Perhaps if you have multiple kids, one of them is the smartest. One of them is the most athletic. One of them is just the easiest, right?

Like, can we just be honest and say that some kids are just a little bit easier than others? Like, and then there's my kids that just challenge everything that I say. And I love it because they've got their own little hearts. And I love my kids dearly. But then you've got this kid who's just compliant and everything. And it's like, it's hard not to make that kid the favorite kid.

But that favoritism will always lead to issues. Issues that will become very deep-seated and become issues later on in life. My girls jokingly try to pit us against each other. Like, so who's your favorite? I'm your favorite, aren't I? I'm your favorite. And I always point to one of their friends. I'm like, no, she's my favorite. It's like I can send her home at the end of the day, right?

I don't have to discipline her. She's not my problem. But we can't have that favoritism. Because. Kids notice. They pick up on those kinds of things. Number five is indifference. Or as we call it today, permissive parenting. Now, usually we give kids a really hard time. And I'm a big defender of kids, right? Like right now everybody says, oh, kids don't know how to obey anymore.

And I say, parents don't know how to make kids obey anymore. Well, kids are just so disrespectful. Yeah, because their parents allowed them to be disrespectful. Well, kids are this. Listen. I agree with Frank Martin. Kids don't know nothing about nothing, right? They only do what they're allowed to do. Because all of us will always go as far as we are allowed to go.

And if we allow disrespect. And listen, if you speak with disrespect, your kids are going to be disrespectful. If we allow them to be disobedient and not call them out for things, of course they're going to do that. Kids will always do as much as we let them do. So we can't allow permissive parenting. You can't just be like, well, kids are going to be kids.

They're just going to do what they're going to do. No. That's not the case. Deal with them. And deal with them early. One of the greatest pieces of advice I was ever given was break their will before the age of five. Break their will before they can remember it. We don't want to break their spirit. You want to break their will. Because I want them to learn to be submissive to me so that ultimately they can learn to be submissive to God.

Because he is the authority I ultimately want to bring them to. So we don't want that permissive parenting. But the other thing. That I think is a problem is not letting them grow up. Not letting them grow up. There's a few terms that have been put on this. Helicopter parents. Lawnmower parents. There's probably some newer ones that I haven't heard yet. We've got to learn to let kids grow up and face things for themselves.

Do you know, I know people that are employers and they've come to me and they've said, do you know that a kid showed up to a job interview that was in their mid-20s with their mom? We laugh at that. That's the world we live in. They're like, their mom was the one that called and set up the job interview. I'm going, dude, you've got to grow up, son. But we've got a generation of parents who aren't making their kids grow up.

Now, I'm going to be real honest with you and I'm going to step on some toes and I fully intend to. Do you know where letting your kids grow up begins? The day you drop them off in the nursery. That's when it starts. The day that you begin to drop them off there. If you drop them off and they start crying. And you immediately come back and go, oh, not today, Junior.

Now, listen, if it's your first time here and you're like, I'm not quite ready to do that just yet. I get that. You haven't met those people yet. I totally understand that. I'm talking to anybody who is like, this is your church. And as soon as they cry, you go and pick them up. You know what you just taught them? You will always come when they cry. That's what you've taught them.

They just won. They won round one. And we have to learn it. It's okay to let them cry a little bit. It's okay to let them cry. It's okay to let them cry things out. My oldest daughter cried forever the first time that we let her cry herself to sleep. And it tore my heart out. It just destroyed me on the inside. But we had to do it. I think it took an hour and a half.

Don't tell her I told you that. She's in the nursery. Shh, don't tell. I think it took an hour and a half and it was so hard. But you know what? Eventually, she went to sleep when we laid her down. But it took that time. My youngest daughter hated the nursery. She would. She would cry the minute that we put her in there. As a matter of fact, I'm at church a lot.

She would cry when I'd walk her by the nursery. Like, we'd just show up on just a random day and I'd carry her by the nursery. We'd get past it. She'd stop crying. That's how much she hated the nursery. And we would tell everybody. We'd say, okay, listen. We're okay if she cries because she's got to deal with this. If it's more than you can handle, we get it.

You can come get us. But don't think, oh, they probably want me to come get them because she's got to get past this. And then she finally got past it. As a matter of fact, you know who her favorite person in the nursery was? Well, his name is Nick. And she affectionately referred to him as Rick because she got to play with his beard the whole time. And finally, she found that one person that calmed her down in the nursery.

But that's the beginning of letting them grow up. And listen, we've got to let it happen. Because they won't learn to trust God if you don't allow them to go through hard things. They won't learn that God is their greatest source of strength if you deal with every single problem. And don't allow that to take place. He says, fathers, don't exasperate your kids so that they will not lose heart.

Again, I think it was the Amplified Bible that translated it this way. So that they will not become unmotivated through a broken spirit. Again, we want to break the will that resists good. We don't want to break the spirit. That is ultimately who they are. Because we love them. And we want to see them become who God wants them to be. And so he's dealt with husbands and wives.

He's dealt with parents and children. And number three, we come to employers and employees. Now, I have to deal with a dicey issue again. And it starts in verse 25. Slaves. That's the dicey issue I have to deal with before we get to the rest of this. The Bible gets a lot of criticism. And some of the criticism that the Bible gets. But people say, you know that the Bible endorses slavery, right?

And I'm like, you know you're wrong, right? Because the Bible does not endorse slavery. So, first of all, let's deal with slavery in the Bible for just a moment. I promise I'm not going to camp out on this too long. But it's got to get dealt with because this is a major issue that you deal with in secular circles right now. So, in the Old Testament, when it talks about slavery, it's a whole lot more of what we would call indentured servitude.

Which essentially is like debtor's prison, right? Like you took a loan. You couldn't pay the loan. And so, you went into slavery to the lender. Which is exactly what it says happens when we take a loan. It's just you don't actually become that person's slave. You just pay them. But if you couldn't pay it off, you would then go and become a slave in their home.

And you would work that off. That's called indentured servitude. That's the slavery that's presented in the Old Testament. In the New Testament, Paul is writing to a Roman world, a secular Roman world, in which more than half of the population were made up of slaves. As a matter of fact, there was a population of slaves. There was a population of slaves. There was a population of slaves.

There was a point in time when they wanted to be able to identify slave man from free man. And so, they wanted to make slaves all wear the same color of garment. Only they realized if they did that, the slaves would realize that they outnumbered the free men two to one. And they might rise up against them. So, they didn't do it. Right? So, that's the world Paul is writing to.

And as Paul is writing to this world, inspired by the Holy Spirit, God tells him, don't tell the people to start a revolution to overthrow slavery. Instead, let's deal with the heart of slavery. And let's deal with the root of slavery. And that's in the heart. And so, he deals with the heart of slavery. And what the New Testament does is the New Testament elevates the slave to the place of being on the same level as the free man in Christ.

And it humbles the master to being on the same level as the slave in Christ. And do you know what began to take place? What began to take place is as people's hearts were changed because they got saved and they started saying, you know what? He's not my property. He's a child of God. And the slave started. And the slave started saying, he's not my master. He's a child of God.

Slavery began to dissipate within the Roman kingdom. As a matter of fact, do you realize that it was Christianity that set the slaves free? If you've never watched the movie Amazing Grace about William Wilberforce, I would highly recommend that you watch it. Because William Wilberforce, along with Isaac Newton. Isaac Newton? Is that right? The guy that wrote Amazing Grace?

John Newton. Isaac Newton was a scientist. John Newton, who wrote Amazing Grace, who at one time was a slave trader, together, they set the slaves free in England. All because they realized that men are created to be free. They're not created to be enslaved. And the only way you can change it is by changing the heart of man. So, no. The Bible does not endorse slavery.

So, as we look at this, we're looking at it in our cultural perspective. And we're not going to refer to it as slaves and masters. We're going to refer to it as employees. Employees and employers. Employees, in all things, obey those who are your employers on earth. Not with external service as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart fearing the Lord.

You know what that means? It means show up and do what you're told to do. I've been telling young people this for a really long time. If you will show up on time and do what you're told to do, you will never be without a job. People will come find you to work for them. All because you do those three things. You show up, you're on time, and you do what you're told to do.

If you go one step further than that, which is not be a man pleaser who works of eye service, but works with true sincerity of heart, you can write your own paycheck. Because that means that you now no longer just show up on time and do what you're told to do, but you do above and beyond what you're asked. People will elevate you to brand new positions of leadership. And you can write your own paycheck.

Because nobody in this culture does that. Nobody in this world does that. Again, I'm amazed at the stories I hear from people that own businesses. Where they say, we hired a guy, and he showed up, and he was there till lunchtime, and we never saw him again. That's a real story. I heard another one where they said, we hired a guy, he never showed up. They're like, he signed the paperwork.

He took the job. He never showed up. We've never seen him. And this is six months later. This is the culture that we live in when it comes to work. My wife went shopping this weekend. She always takes a shopping trip with her mom. And they love the Nordys, right? They love the Nordstrom. Mainly because the Nordstrom gives great customer service. And they are like on you like white on rice, right?

So she goes to Nordstrom to do a little bit of shopping. And she says, Ryan, nobody even came and talked to us. It's like taking the buckle challenge and having no one talk to you, right? You know what the buckle challenge is? To try to make it to the back. To try to make it to the back of the buckle without any salesman stopping you. It's like taking that challenge and no one stopping you.

That's what it's like. And she goes, customer service is just dead. Because nobody works anymore. Which is why we as believers have to find ourselves on a different plane. We have to rise above the culture and be something different. And so he says, employees, show up and do what your boss tells you to do. Not with eye service. In other words, don't just work when they're around.

We all know that guy, right? We all know that guy. We all know that guy. He's like, I'm super busy doing things. I'm working hard and doing stuff like that. And the boss walks away and he's like, where was I? Right? And he continues on with his story. Because he only works when the boss is around. If you're that person, stop. Stop being that person. Okay? Because you're a believer in Jesus Christ.

You're giving the rest of us a bad name. Stop being that person. Not with eye service as men pleasers. But with sincerity of heart. Do you know what the word sincerity means? It means undivided. With an undivided heart. In other words, wholehearted. Wholeheartedly. Work at it with everything that you have in you. Listen, there is something incredibly healthy about showing up to work and working really hard and coming home really tired and ready to go to bed.

Because you have done something with your life. And you have something to show for it. And listen, we tend to do what we do the most. So if you show up and are lazy every day, you'll keep doing more of that. You'll just keep being more and more lazy. And pretty soon, you're the employee everybody talks about. Oh, yeah, so-and-so shows up, but he doesn't do anything.

He just earns him a paycheck by standing around. But if you're the person who shows up and works hard, then you'll find that you'll want to do more of it. You'll find that that's what you keep doing more and more of because you feel pretty good about the job that you did. He says, employees, start doing what your boss tells you to do. And then in verse 23, he says, and whatever you do, work at it heartily.

For the Lord rather than men. Do your work heartily. In other words, diligently or giving it your best effort. Listen, remembering that who you're ultimately working for is the Lord. When I first graduated Bible college, I got to be a groundskeeper at Lakeview Village, what I affectionately refer to as the Wrinkle Ranch and old folks community up there. And I loved it, and I loved all those people.

And I got to start mowing one of the high rises, right? And. Again, what I really wanted to be doing was full-time ministry, but God said, no, that's not what I have for you just yet. I want you to mow the lawn first. And so I started mowing. And one day, it's like God said to me, but do it like you're doing it for me. So I started treating the high rise that I mowed like it was a mansion in heaven.

And once I changed that perspective, I didn't just do what I had to do. I started doing more. I didn't just do what had to be done. I started making it even better because I realized that I was doing it for the Lord and not for men. And so that's what he says that we're supposed to do. He says, do it for the Lord rather than rather than men. Verse 24, knowing that from the Lord, you will receive the reward of the inheritance.

It is the Lord whom you serve. And if that wasn't enough for you, notice what it says in verse 25. For he who does wrong will receive the consequences of the wrong which he has done. And that. Without partiality. Let me put you put that to you in some good old redneck speak. If you're the lazy one, God sees it. If you're the lazy one, God sees it right. And he knows and he'll deal with it.

Well, now he goes on in verse one of chapter four. I have no idea why verse one got put into chapter four. Doesn't make sense to me, but it really goes with the rest of chapter three. It says, masters grant to your slaves justice and fairness, knowing that you too. Have a master in heaven. Grant to your slaves justice and fairness. Now, if you're here this morning and you're an employer or even or even a supervisor at your job,

you should not look at the people that are underneath of you as people that are underneath of you. You should look at them as your greatest asset. You should look at them as your greatest resource because they are your human resource. And you should treat them like that. And as a matter of fact, and kids, I'm going to tell you something. One of the best things that you can do is start at the bottom of any company.

Because if you want to make it to the top, then start at the bottom. Because when you get at the top, you'll know exactly what everybody does. And you'll be able to treat them properly. One of my favorite places to eat of all time is In-N-Out Burger. First of all, because I think it's the greatest cheeseburger ever. Second of all, because it's Jesus's cheeseburgers.

But third, do you know that they take care of their employees, incredibly well. All of their managers are making six figures. But in order to become a manager or like a site manager, you have to start out flipping burgers. Nobody starts off as a manager. So if you're coming out of college, you can't just be like, oh, I want to go, I want to go managing In-N-Out.

You have to start at the bottom. Because the philosophy is this. You need to know what every job is like when you get to the top so that you treat all of the people at the bottom. With kindness and graciousness. It's one of the lessons that I learned really early on in construction. So let me tell you a little bit of a story about when I had to learn what it's like to start at the bottom.

Because that's what God did for me in my life and in my career. I've done all of the nastiest jobs you can imagine. I've had to fix sewer leaks. I've been a trash man, groundskeeper. I have scraped tile off of a bathroom floor. I mean, I've done all kinds of things, right? But this is the one that I can tell you. I can't tell you a couple of the other stories because my wife said

if I tell some of those stories, she won't come back to church here. Ever since I did the marriage thing last year, I think some of you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, so she said she won't come back to church, so I can't tell one story about a toilet. But I can tell you the story about the pool that we built. So we were building a pool in Shawnee, Kansas.

It's still there today on Johnson Drive in Shawnee, Kansas. And I was a 25-year-old kid, a little slimmer than I am now. And I show up to this job site because the one that I was on had wrapped up. So I show up, and they're building this swimming structure, and one of them is going to be a wave pool. So they give me a couple of tasks to do. I'm working, and our project manager, Larry Hume, shows up,

and he says, Adam, did you give Ryan his special job yet? Now, listen, I need you to know something. If your boss ever comes to you and says, I have a special job for you, there's nothing special about it. It's what nobody else wants to do, okay? I don't know how many times in my life they showed up and said, we have a special job for you to do, Ryan. And I immediately went, I'm going to hate it, aren't I?

And they're like, we built this wave generator structure, and it was not the concrete. It didn't end up going below the frost line. And so we had to remedy that problem. They didn't want to tear the whole thing down. It was cheaper to pay me to fix it. So they said, here's what you need to do, Ryan. You need to dig down two foot, and you need to dig all the way back.

It was probably about half as wide as this stage, right, and about this section. Half of the stage from the speaker over. That's how big I had to do this. And they said, so that's what you need to do. And I said, how am I supposed to do that? And they're like, we're not sure, but we're looking forward to figuring out what you decide. So I go, and I dig a hole.

I basically dig like a grave for myself. I dig a hole for my body to fit into, and I lay on my side with a pickaxe, and I'm just digging underneath this thing. And it took me three days to do it, three days to do all that. And I was just like, Lord, what? What are you doing to me? Why do I have to do jobs like this? But you know one of the things I've learned as a pastor?

I'm never going to ask anybody to do anything that I wouldn't be willing to do myself. And it doesn't matter what job you work. I'm never going to look down on you. It doesn't matter how nasty your job is. I'm going to have utmost respect for you because I've done them all, and I know what it's like, and it's part of what God used to make me who I am today.

And if you're here this morning, and if you're an employer, either you own your company or you're a supervisor, listen, think about treating your employees with that kind of grace and equity. Take good care of them. And at the end of the day, my favorite line is, pay the man. Look, if you own a business, you should be taking really good care of your employees because you're a believer, and believers are held to a higher standard.

He says, employers, take care of your employees with justice and fairness. Why? Because you have a master in heaven, too. Because the same God that the employee answers to is the same God that the employer answers to. Because ultimately, that's who we're all trying to please. And so, brothers and sisters, life is made up of relationships. The relationship that you have with your Savior

and the relationship that you have with each other. The gospel did not just redeem your relationship with Jesus Christ. It redeemed your relationships with each other. And so, if we are to ultimately be the witness that God wants us to be, then the relationships that we have in our marriages, in our families, and in our jobs should be far and away greater than those that are unsaved around us.

I'm here to tell you right now, I've seen more people's witnesses ruined by not being the employee, by not being the husband or wife, by not being the parent that God has called for them to be. Because they're living according to the world instead of living according to the word. Brothers and sisters in Jesus Christ, we have one master, and our goal is to please him. Amen?

Let's all stand.

I really do hope all of you can join us this evening for the baptism. It's always so much fun to celebrate new life in Christ. Bring a dish to share, bring a chair with you, and come spend some time celebrating with us. Father, we come before you, and I thank you for the time that we've had in your word. And I pray that you would draw us near to you. Father, I pray that only the things of you

would shine through, and that anything of me would just fall by the wayside. And that ultimately, you would be glorified in our lives, in Jesus' name. Amen. Be blessed. We ask for your blessing, your direction, your strength.

Lord bless y'all.